Friday, October 18, 2013

i still believe

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
Seems I don't know where to start

But its now I feel your grace fall like rain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare

But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain

The only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokeness
I can see that this is your will for me
Help me to know you are near.

one week of revision is over. i havent really started proper (more like dragging myself along) due to... flesh >> spirit. sigh. can't help it. viruses and physiological phenomenon. but the world didnt stop pouring medical knowledge into my brain, i just wasnt at the optimal state to receive it. NEVERTHELESS. there are 2 weeks more. 

now that the practical part is over, there is this sense of urgency hanging over us, that i have not felt to this extent before. part of me dislikes it, but part of me knows that this is something we've all grown up with, the fear of the looming big exam. but while i cant control what everyone else feels, i can control what i feel. i refuse to feel fear. i refuse to get sucked into this maelstrom; this merry go round. i refuse to use the excuse of stress to be a lesser human being (well until i start working hahaha i think call takes such a toll on a human being you'd need to be really a saint. but still. i'd try, yknow?). and the reason i am so uptight about not being uptight (haha) is because i KNOW myself and i know i fall into these traps easily. no such excuses as stress meaning i can snap at people. NO. SUCH. THING. it doesnt exist. i cant say i've done wonderfully thus far, but i can try better for next time :) oh i bought chocolates for my hos :) not all since i just randomly grabbed some from 7-11 the other day haha but twas nice to brighten up someone else's day :):)

somehow, when i tell myself that my only goal for mbbs is to never lose my God, i feel a hundred times more at peace than when i used to tell myself my goal is to finish xyz by such and such a time. becos humanly and from yrs of experience i never can make it. humanly it is impossible. but with God, anything is possible. 

i will never make the same mistake again

the ends never justify the means. 

His mercies start anew every morning. tomorrow's going to be a good day (literally, TGIF!) 

i still believe in your truth

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