Monday, October 14, 2013

at the end of the day

many thoughts

1) really miss SIP work, and my team!! i remember when we first switched teams i felt literally heartbroken about the amazing team we'd left behind; after 2 weeks of working with the 2nd team i can safely say they are VERY AWESOME too. from KE YI whom i last remember as an m5 SIP in ttsh enthusiastically teaching me about the macro and micro complications of dm to j who always lets us present new cases in the morning, so appreciated after years of feeling stifled and voiceless during morning rounds, to FARASAT my main ho the aspiring neurosurgeon (he really reminds me of the big bang theory dudes) who i have no idea why he trusted me so much at the end?! but it felt really nice to have them tell me they trusted me hehe. who is SO good with patients. to KK who i had the amazing call with and sanjana & mf & shuting! seriously such amazingly nice people. and of course the PROF who amongst other things always had very amusing analogies about the forest & getting eaten by the bear.

i really had no intention to impress or anything, i merely wanted to do as much as possible so i can have a pain-free transition when i finally start work. i think it started off really well when on the first day my con told me i was really proactive and that will serve me well wherever i go (!!) so that really inspired me to work even harder to prove his good first impression of us. and all the scoldings the con gave the team really caused us to feel very... bonded and shared camaraderie-ed. i was able to help out much more this 2 weeks and actually feel useful and i really loved that!! the feeling of feeling useful is so nice. i love my team ++ sobs now we are doing med student stuff again... it feels so super sian.

2)  sometimes people can really get you down. but i think that on balance, i am really blessed. that no matter what people do, even if they aren't very nice, you should try not to let it affect you. of course, it can be really difficult. we are all human. but then again, WE ARE ALL HUMAN. dont have any great expectations of anyone because usually, they wont be able to fulfil it. everyone has their own set of needs and wants and moods.

faced with nowhere to turn momentarily, i turned to God. i realised that He has given me so many blessings & happiness in this life, and that at the heart of it now, i am happy. and that not everyone is like that. and that we shouldnt judge anyone, even if they judge us, and even when they judge us to be judgemental. and that in this life, we are here to bring light and happiness and not to succumb to satan's prompting to descend into arguments and fighting. years ago, me and someone that meant a lot to me had such a long and prolonged disagreement and misunderstandings which scarred me for a long time & made me feel really confused and upset at such a deep and fun and lovely friendship which i had depended on so much shattering into a million pieces. although i dont know how much of it was meant to be and what my life course was meant to be or would have been nevertheless, i do know this much, that God did not make us to fight with each other and that all discord comes from satan. only good things come from God.

so i decided that no matter what happens, that i should turn my cheek if one cheek were to be slapped. that i wont let anything get to me even if anyone else were to be less than friendly, or irritated with me, or even downright dismissive or ridiculous. that i should dig up all the happiness and blessings i have received and try to show God's goodness through my actions instead of falling back into old habits or knee jerk reactions. when hurt, not to claw back like an injured cat, but to forgive & to forget. and that that may be one of the hardest things to learn in this life but that the end point will be one of the most worthwhile. because he has shown me so much goodness that maybe it is time, i learn to do what he would do, and not to only do what i know so well, what i would do.

so much words, but i think this says it the best:

"You are God’s representative in this earth. When you follow the Word of God and allow Him to work in your life, you are letting your light shine. When you are good to people and show them kindness, even when they don’t deserve it, you are shining your light. When you smile and keep a good attitude, even when things don’t go your way, you are setting an example so that people will glorify God in heaven. Notice this scripture says, “they will see your good works…” People aren’t impressed by our knowledge or what we say, people are drawn to God by our good works."

looking forward to fellowship on sat :):)

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