Monday, April 8, 2013

mocha days

today someone asked me "have you ever experienced God answering a prayer?"

haha, i think it would be easier to ask, have you ever experienced God not answering a prayer? the answer would be - no. maybe delayed, but - no.

just to say that i never want to forget how much of a miracle this all is. i mean, what im currently doing. it's so lovely even compared to, let's see, EVERY POSTING I'VE EVER DONE. plus i love the subject matter. come what may, i just want to remember these past two weeks, as being unblemishedly fantastic, a real gift from God.

i mean, all these have been gifts from God. but this really is like the gift. for all those times spent doubting my calling. for all those nights spent weighing medicine vs sanity and choosing medicine every time, trusting God to light the way when i could not see to the end of the path. for the times when i was doing things that i knew was right, but somehow in the day-to-day of it, it just felt really difficult. for the times when i was confused as to whether i should be happy or sad. well, then surgery hit, and o&g, and things like that. and i haven't thought much about things lately, save for OMG WHAT RESIDENCY TO DO, and argh does this consultant like me or dislike me?! and omg minicex tmr, and things like that. it isnt very philosophical anymore, haha.

in summary: thank you God for the past wonderful two weeks. it's really a thousand times better than i could ever have imagined. please please help the next two weeks to be great too, and let me see loads of things and have lots of exposure to all facets of neuro & help the dept to not think i am too stupid, with some luck, haha. please, because this means a lot a lot to me. to be honest, before all this started, i didnt dare to hope too much precisely because of how much i wanted to do this. i keep telling myself when im in one hospital that it doesnt matter what i do cos i'll just apply residency in the other one, HAHA, but i think eventually i have to leave a good impression somewhere. but now that i'm halfway through and i like the dept so much, please help me to survive without doing anything too silly. and please let them not think i am ponning ward rounds when actually the ward rounds is like a carrot for the incentive of finishing research faster (also spss will go off in a few days bummer) and also i am not duke and hence i dont actually have to go for ward rounds. and also becos i am longing to go for ward rounds!! which is why i do crazy things like go back on sat to the horror of the HOs, haha.

much gratitude, for everything, me.

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