Monday, December 31, 2012

escapism, anyone?

totally in love with this song. the live performance was even better *gushes*

okay fine, i wouldnt say it's like HIGH ART obviously, being pop-ish & all, but it really touched me. as art is supposed to do.

now i have monster crushes on jinwoon, hoya, and lee joon. they are SO EXTREMELY manly here with their black jackets & trench coats! and jinwoon smashing the guitar! ah i just love everything about this performance. i must have watched it like 5 times already

my fav part is at 5:07 when jinwoon sings you already erased it all, he just looks so incredibly cool there! which is SO different from his real-life persona of always being bullied.

okay in other news, i need to gear up for end of years but all i feel like doing is sleeping in on rainy days like today. luckily school hasn't started yet, welcome reprieve. although today i am supposed to a) finish anaesthesia b) start reading up for eye c) do more researchh but it's noon & zzzzzzz

the point of escapism is to ignore things you don't like

more jinwoon love.
just like a sandcastle crumbling with the waves

the roads we choose & what is given to us; how we ensure that the leprechaun gold lasts more than a day
how we fix old mistakes, how we face the future

the plan needs to be more than "it's all going to be okay"
it needs to be a concrete to-do list, rooted in reality.
it needs to be more than "i've done it all before & i have no doubt i can do it again"
actually that's pretty encouraging haha

as nike would say - just do it

and i dont mean just exams. those are stressful things but i mean, after a while, it's just another hurdle to cross. you know it can't be all flowers and bunnies but you cross those rivers, eventually. i mean everything. 

as lily said in how i met your mother

Ted: No, it's not an adventure, it's a mistake! 
Lily: OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this; my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you? 
Ted: I dunno, you said mistake a lot. 

HAHA. i love this. :):)

Thursday, December 27, 2012


like a habit, i think of yesterday

although i tell myself several
times that it's wasted time
now it won't ever
come again, yesterday
please dont get any further away
memories are forgotten way too easily
to you, it's just the end
of a passing by day
to me, it's the start of a
pain that i cannot handle
now the memories
of you and i are all
yesterday but you already erased it all
- yesterday by dynamic black [jinwoon, hoya, l.joe, lee joon, kikwang]

new earworm! it's so catchy cum melancholy [lol contradiction?]

my grown up christmas list

it's been a wonderful christmas-filled holiday :) a much-needed break from the everyday routine of waking up, dragging myself to whatever rotation we're doing, declaring that i'm sleepy, having lists and lists of things i really wanna do but knowing i'll never get to do them, if i want my sanity

esp glad i managed to clear some of the research since it's been on my mind like... since m4 started lol
there are still things to be done - both things i want to and things i must do, but at least the list is much shorter than before; at least my batteries are charged before i go

thank you God for everything; this nice breather of two weeks the least of it all really :)
also been going for toby's kpop dance classes which are LOVE.
off to finish the monster ecg tutorial revision. haish. 55 PAGES OF NOTES YO.

merry christmas all :)

Friday, December 21, 2012

in all things

In all things, e, always and forever, simply wish the best for all involved, without stating what you think that is.
And then, whatever does happen, no matter what happens, know that it was.

All the best,
    The Universe

i like! 

also i've just signed up for something... again.. lol i think im a glutton for punishment 
anyway, i really hope it works out, for obvious reasons hahah. i kind of have a weird feeling it will, a strange trust in God, but then i have that as a baseline kinda thing right ;p haha. wont try & justify it too much but i have a feeling it's gonna be okay. we'll see, if i get thru the selections then yes, if not im saving myself from embarrassment!  

i've also done like 1/3 of my outstanding research, as in hirtherto uncompleted stuff, not outstanding as in head&shoulders above other research endeavors pwahaha, which - yay! holidays are good for things other than sleeping late & sleeping in the next day & bumming around like a slug! who me?

Thursday, December 20, 2012

heart food

the heart food page on pinterest is AWESOME

think i've been a little too icing-obsessed lately. it's not technically my fault since one day i just kinda got coerced into cookie-making, not of my own volition i swear. i'll be honest and admit i envisioned this 2 weeks as mugfest, and i'm not referring to mugs of eggnog...

but i mean, hey, one week of glorious hedonistic fun is sometimes allowed, right? and anyway, the priest at confession did tell me to 'empty out all the clutter from your mind and let Christ come in this Christmas' :) yaY well i guess chucking away materialistic achievement grabbing notions & doing all those memory-creating things kinda counts, doesn't it. uh. kinda. haha.

i'll always remember this as the christmas i made sugar cookies

anyway, taking a breather from a whirlwind of 4am cookie nights, research... afternoons [in my defense, it is my HOLIDAYS, my prof isnt even in town now luckily otherwise so malu, and i'm not really expected to come at 8am or anything since this is an adhoc when im free come & finish up thing, unlike electives where i presume you're expected to put in more than a few hrs each day... yeah okay well. darned cookies. i really planned to arrive at 8am everyday!! anyway it doesnt take that long since i only request 5 files each time to soften the blow for the pple i have to request to request them for me. i could prob finish all 50 in one day, but.... yeah]

actually, good idea, i think maybe i'll request 30 and just finish it off on monday heh

and also meetups! notably, had a rather nice rainbow high tea with nic yesterday. in typical us fashion it was v convoluted [we are the people who spent an hour debating over icing in a supermarket for our home econs project which we totally cheated and did the making food for a party thing for our debate sec 4 farewell haha] but the endpoint was rainbow xiao long bao [DID I MENTION I LOVE RAINBOWS] + baos + egg + cinnamon apple cream cheese cupcake for me & smores cupcake for her at marmalade pantry after. i wanted the red velvet & coconut,  for "research purposes" but was Foiled, nevertheless, the whole thing was lovely
then it was back home to tint icing pink & blue. i could have broken out the green but i think my sleep cycle is messed up enough as it is.

ohh and i also met michelle for ramen + had this green tea egg tart thing which was YUM. she actually went to KOREA to study korean for a few months... so lucky zomg. as expected, that was the prime topic of conversation [esp since i have no other gossip fodder currently].
ALSO. at the baking supplies place
me: uhh... are all the red and green christmassy colors sold out?
guy: *disspassionately* yes
me: when's the new stock going to come?
him: *equally dispassionately* next year?

.... how about all the last minute christmas cookie baking?! there is clearly a spot in the market for people hawking christmas colored food coloring between 19th to 24th december

and then somewhere in there i also did rpm which was so exhausting i wanted to combust in the first 5 minutes. THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES. i could barely walk to the busstop after that.


let me just go lie down somewhere and sleep everything off

anyway. this has been a fun holiday season :) it feels christmassy somehow. more so than usual

Monday, December 17, 2012

beautiful day

it's a beautiful day, though you aren't here
it's a beautiful night, though i only shed tears
it's a beautiful day, now i say - goodbye to the times of you & i

enjoying my holiday a little too much i think hehh. spent most of yesterday making cookies, plan to go buy up all the rainbow colors from the baking store soon. i kinda know i shld mug but even then i dont really wanna. oops. well anyway at the very least, it's time to take a small breather. i dont believe the world will end on the 24th coz firstly, that's christmas eve, and secondly, God says that no-one knows when the world will end. so there. but i think that living life the way you would if you knew it was going to end is always good. like staying up til 4 to bake cookies for your loved ones coz they need to give christmas gifts the next day, instead of what - making notes on ear pain, ear discharge, ent emergencies...

as to my Future i think that God has planned something good. as for now its obvious there is opposition coming from some quarters so its not all systems go, more of houston we have a problem (ps i LOVED how mr kok the maths tuition teacher used to say that whenever he didnt know how to solve the maths qns we asked him HAHA so cute). and for my own part, im not ready to not-apply for what i've been convinced all this while was the miracle awaiting me. like the moment i got into this school, i think i sort of linked it together; that was the final logical conclusion of faith somehow. that both miracles were linked... that God exists... that He cares for me & that he has called me to all this. so that's not something im ready to give up, ever if at all.

but then, maybe i just need to have the desire to do good, and that's enough. whether you're curing sleep problems in kids or depression or autism/adhd [which is more of managing with meds actually], or curing asthma, bronchiolitis & ge, you're helping them anyway right? who's to judge what is what. i can't take the path of least resistance and most exocity, just because. i think it's gonna be all right. in the end. cos no matter what, my motivations are solid

another thing is i keep having plans to do all manner of things, which i NEVER DO. it's terrible. must start remedying that. but for now, i'll go off and buy food coloring


Thursday, December 13, 2012

rainbows & cupcakes

it's a rainy day, drinking cinnamon latte in the library :) this morning i saw

- cervical lymphadenopathy
- mucocele with fluctuant eye swelling
- warthin's tumor
- acute anosmia
- meniere's [well if you can call it 'seeing']

i shall mug
- hoarseness of voice
- tracheostomy

then go meet michelle! yays.

tomorrow the plan is
- 830 OT, try to watch allergy testing after that
- clinics in the pm + hand up stuff then HOLIDAYS!!

sat - playhouse, next mon meet nic for marmalade pantry

long term plans
- finish my research during chp period after m4 pros
- electives are all my fav things: peds neuro, peds, endo, cardio [ok cardio isnt my fav per se but it's def my weak point, & i cant think of any nicer place to do it than ttshcardio
- i think i shall book a 1 week holiday to korea in my ONE week of freedom before m5 starts

there are loads of unsolvable questions but it's okay, life is pretty sweet atm. as in literally. i think i accidentally put too much sugar in my coffee hah. i dont know about metaphorically, but then again i've definitely lost my metaphorical taste buds

my current metaphysical question [NOT] is peds vs child psych vs int med [depends greatly on my int med electives. i really loved ttsh when i was there & my resident buddy lydia was so fantastic and friendly that it left a v nice impression! and i only picked the endo + cardio electives coz o&g fell out of favor so i needed to find other electives fast and i know i need the extra exposure to those subspecialties in order to pass mbbs. but maybe its like a sign. i just typed it's like a sigh. HAHA. subconscious...]. anyway obviously this doesnt matter a whit, it's such an insignificant existential crisis when you consider the WIDER WORLDD and such. but it does affect my theoretical life in the future, and hence, i guess it's impt...

in any case, since i'm quite clear on the point that none of my thoughts are profound or meaningful and just a lot of pointless ruiminations around the same point, all of which goes nowhere, i shall insert some inspiring/ thought-provoking/ soul-saving thoughts. chicken soup for the soul, so to speak. nah that sounds so cheesy. CUPCAKES AND RAINBOWS for the soul

on that point, my new metaphor for happiness is CUPCAKES AND RAINBOWS.

Our Lord needs from us neither great deeds nor profound thoughts. Neither intelligence nor talents. He cherishes simplicity.
-- St Therese of Lisieux

The crosses with which our path through life is strewn associate us with Jesus in the mystery of His crucifixion.
-- St. John Eudes
[actually i think nothing i have gone thru ever comes close, which - actually whew- but yeah, good to know that suffering is teh human condition & it's got -some- silver lining, even if the cross isnt that painful, it's still a cross, and it's still heavy...]

You cannot please both God and the world at the same time. They are utterly opposed to each other in their thoughts, their desires, and their actions.
-- St. John Mary Vianney
the constant struggle. the problem is i really think i like the things of this world. sloth, greed, material things. pretty shiny things. it's not just me vs world, it's the head vs the heart. it's looking at material things & knowing i need to get those pieces of paper, pieces of achievement. how to reconcile. medicine is the one way i thought i could reconcile it, cos it's helping people, giving up your sleep, free time for God's work, and i guess it is. but the means to the end sometimes make me veer off the path, and if i dont do it properly now, when am i ever going to. and HOW. unanswered questions, always swept underneath the carpet. life becomes a list of to-dos; either that, degenerates into sloth and unproductivity. how come i'm not doing God's work anyway. there has to be a way.

It is not particularly difficult to find thousands who will spend two or three hours a day in exercising, but if you ask them to bend their knees to God in five minutes of prayer, they protest that it is too long.
-- Bishop Fulton Sheen

Your first task is to be dissatisfied with yourself, fight sin, and transform yourself into something better. Your second task is to put up with the trials and temptations of this world that will be brought on by the change in your life and to persevere to the very end in the midst of these things.
-- St. Augustine
2nd last day of ent tmr! it has actually been quite a pleasant experience

things i've seen reccently
- BPPV [with the rotatory geotropic nystagmus!! and saw the epley's manouevre!]
- nasal polyps
- aspergillosis
- voice hoarseness/ breathiness
- vocal cord polyp
-  otitis media with effusion in a kid

clerked an AR patient for mini-cex which went quite well too. the head of ent is SUPER nice seriously, i think it really trickles down & affects the whole dept when the head is so nice to begin with! plus he knows our schedule much better than us haha

so after clinic, i met my cg mates and was like "OMG I SAW ASPERGILLOSIS IN THE EAR"
them: oh we saw it in the orbit

.... darn

we also had a really entertaining lecture on ent emergencies in the morning; unfortunately all i can rmb is how the lecturer kept saying "ent means easy no tension", and "you can get a tympanic membrane perf if someone hits you really hard on the side of the head... which happens a lot in my household.." haha he's just such a cool dude. anyway, still no plans to do ent, but really appreciate the niceness of the doctors in the department, i'd initially thought it was a ktph chillax atmosphere thing, but turns out ent doctors in general all seem quite nice. just makes it all cool (except the 745 arrival times are always painful ugh)

okay must really sleep now, ent m&m tomorrow morning at 745 ><

went for rpm just now and it was horrifically challenging, no idea why cos it wasnt even the challenge class. after the first 5 minutes i was having severe SOB hahah. so unfit yo

Monday, December 10, 2012

in honor of finally finishing the painful AR webcast, i am now having some blocked nose. LOL

i think apart from the chocolate quote, another highlight was the "you get runny nose when the aircon blows?? that's food allergy!! *cue backtrack laughter from the class*" lol. well i'll trust the lecturer on that.

day by day

i'm sitting in the rain
to keep my hope alive
oh im waiting day by day

so pretty. altho their english is most unclear LOL

had a very happening clinic today. at first it was literally all tinnitus of unknown origin and unresolvable, then after that we saw
- many people with laryngeal-pharyngeal reflux [p/w sore throat]
- otitis media with effusion, myringotomy with grommet insertion was done
- raised EBV titres, dunno what to do next
- many post-op turbinectomy patients
- pansinusitis
- epistaxis

now watching webcasts, the lecturer just said "who here doesnt like chocolate. you?? you're a freak! i love chocolate!" hahaha so cute. then he proceded to talk about someone who doesnt eat chocolate for awhile then stuffs their face with it and then gets the allergy, to illustrate the masking phenomenon. which i dont fully understand, but anyway.

in the next 1.5 months or so, i need to
1. mug my head off for exams (sobs)
2. get an irb done (i'll be really glad to get it done at all though.)
3.  finish up my first project
4. meet up with nic, michelle, nat [and probs many other people but due to [1] i think i'm so the overstretched >< sorry guys i say prophylactically, i really do love all of you muchly it's just that i am ridiculously inefficient... ]
5. get ent and eye mini cexes, and small posting eopt done and over with

oh and there's playhouse this weekend, yay! much anticipating, ive watched it every yr i've been in sg and its always been great entertainment.

also perusing the papers reveals loads of theatre upcoming in 2013, now i just need time & company to avail itself. eg OTHELLO as part of shakespeare in the park [i'll never forget ngchoonping's stunning othello, it literally took my breath away and made me feel new love towards the text - and actually ive always preferred modern stuff to shakespeare to be honest haha].

Saturday, December 8, 2012

the heart project

the past week of ent has actually been quite nice! i'm not planning to do it as a career for sure, but it's been a rather nice time enjoying the beautiful ambience and nice atmosphere of ktph. almost like going for a resort holiday LOL. never thought i'd say that about a hospital! i actually began to rethink my life plans, if i apply nhg for internal medicine i get the famed ttsh teaching and the lovely atmosphere of ktph [plus the teaching is not too bad either] haha.

that aside, i think it's time to buck up and start the ball rolling
there are so many things to do, and so little time
(what's new)
research vs mugging, what shall i do now?
 i was thinking about it and procrastinating and not knowing what to say in emails and guh i hate formal emails

and eventually i decided a plan of action
1. pray about it and give it all to God. not just the endpoint, but the means to the end
2. make sure i go to church every. single. week.
3. between now and the end of M4, go CMG bible study at least ONCE
4. do something nice for someone everyday. okay. maybe week. HAHA. i mean something out-of-the-ordinary nice. kinda inspired by my o&g partner. i mean i like to think im generally quite nice to fellow human beings on a normal basis but id like to do sth that has no bearing whatsoever on me as in that i have no vested interest in
5. to organize my life (this is like entropy. IT NEVER GETS ORGANIZED fully)

the thing is it's difficult to quantify how best to live a christian life, in practical terms. i guess i know most of the theory. but it's always in times when you forget or get frazzled and get snappy/ shouty at others. just when your guard is down, and you do something, and you think after that 'oops that wasnt really the best thing to do was it'. i know i'm not egregiously horrible but im sure loads of things add up somehow

and then all that has absolutely no direct impact on the constant striving for things
anyway, i totally suck at the striving for things, let alone achieving of things
i know i always get things i dont deserve and there is no point at all just blindly reaching for them and ignoring the rest of life; this is a tenet that no one can discourage me from believing coz i have LIVED THRU THIS and learnt painful lessons so thankyou very much, i think i will go with what i know.

but that said, i'm not trying to be a good person coz i think that will equate to worldly achievements;that's like kinda the prosperity gospel without money involved hahaha. and... i dont believe in the prosperity gospel haha

im doing it cos a) in general, i prize the whole being a good christian thing, a lot.
b) this verse which i will forever remb jo ooi telling us during one pccf bible study. pccf is really love. i identified so so much with sophie that day during lunch when she told me that she feels God really called her to do medicine overseas coz the fellowship there is really good and she feels much closer to God there etc. I TOTALLY GET IT.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will
romans 12:2
if i remember, it was something along the lines of if you do what you know God would want you to do ie WWJD, not living according to what the world tells you to do, you will be able to discern and experience his will; what he wants you to do. that not being everydayish things i presume, but the big impt decisions in life (if not it becomes a tautology/ grammar confusion lol).

Because God is omniscient, He knows what He will accomplish in us. He knows what we will do, and what we would do, in any given circumstance. Thus, His plans for us will never fail; they will never be flawed by some missing piece of information, some unknown detail. God's plan and purpose for each and every believer is for our good, and for His glory. (ie And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose romans 8:28; another of the pccf-linked verses in my mind haha)

the reason i'm working through the logic here is coz, obviously, sometimes i wonder if it makes... sense. and i dont want to be a good person just coz i want to achieve something. i mean i've been there, done that for trying to achieve things on my own steam, determination and trying every way and means. the means must justify the ends; the ends do not ever justify the means. i used to think my life philosophy was determination, and plowing through things at all cost. nope, no longer. it doesnt work anyway guys, trust me on this one

that said, if i really believed that being a good person = magically i will get what i want, i guess that speaks for my utmost belief in God. which is good. haha

i guess you can think about it this way, good person = closer to God, know his perfect will = make life decisions based on that = manage to 'achieve' in the sense that it's what He has planned, cos u managed to discern properly so u chose the right path, so it worked out.

so that's what i'm aspiring to.
i'm not sure if my newish philosophy is really going to work
and i mean, in the end, i still work hard anyway (generally, ive totally been on a holiday in lala land since o&g ended)

but if it really works;
i'll let you know

until then, i think i should watch webcasts

oh i havent solved the dilemna of how to be a good person, i've only justified to myself that one should be a good person (no shit). well. it's difficulttt. i think i'll be trying to work on that for a loooong time to come hahaha

Thursday, December 6, 2012


today's scripture reflections makes particular sense.

"We all live in hope, but is our hope certain and substantiated? Our hope is founded first and foremost on our trust in God. Faith is the requirement. We are often faced with crises and threatening situations in life. In such times, we need to humble ourselves before him,... secondly, we need to pray and contemplate... but it is not enough simply to listen and to trust; we must listen to His words, obey them, and put them into action. Faith must be accompanied by action. Of course, we must always act through the strength and direction of the Lord. Only when we sense the Lord's presence accompanying us in all that we do, can we find peace and strength even in the face of adversity. We can be confident that everything will work out well and even unpleasant events and suffering will work out for our good. Never act except by the strength that comes from the Everlasting Rock."

today i was saved from something, small thing perhaps, yet it was an echo of something else really big that sent ripples through my whole life. something that shaped me as a person, tested me and my faith, and that ultimately spit me out better than i was before.

the world breaks everyone and afterward, some are strong in the broken places
- ernest hemingway

not only that, i was shown in a microcosm... hope

on a less waffly note, the scripture reflection is good coz it gives concrete advice. you can't just sit around hoping which i do all the time. you need to pray & contemplate, listen, and most importantly ACT. just make sure you act in accordance with his will

every season of my life, i learn just a little bit more about how to live this life. it's like one gigantic puzzle piece & you wonder why cant you just learn it all at once, but i guess that's the point.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

holding onto gravity

i say farewell to the remaining pieces of you
each time i try to erase you,
everything completely breaks down
in this endless time,
in all of this space
again i take the remaining pieces of promises,

each time i think of you,
that time completely freezes up
it's no use even though i try
i cant turn things back like in the movies,
like it was a lie
- nell, white night

The footfalls are strangely heavy.
 I feel as if I sense
the weight of the air.
 As if the entirety of the
world’s gravity sojourns in me.

Even though I try to turn while
 holding back a tear,
 biting down on the lips,
 My heart still faces towards you,

I wonder if I can forget,
 The words that would icily pierce,
 The words of “please let me go”.
 I wonder if they can be forgotten.
If you stay, If you leave,
 The end is always the same.
- nell, holding onto gravity

my prayer is just to be able to move on completely. i want to have nothing to do with this, ever again. i dont want to be stuck in this forever. i guess sometimes you hear songs on the radio, or you read poetry, and you feel that it's so beautiful, that it's so meaningful, and that feeds the romantics. i just dont even want to do that anymore. (nell's new songs are beautiful though).

i dont want to hold on to this gravity anymore i don't want to be stuck on this merrygoround anymore. i want to break out of this neverending cycle. the question is just how

sometimes, we get stuck. sometimes it's out of our own volition, cos it's so comfortable/ comforting to stay on the same spot, in the same warm dark space. sometimes we venture out but we always find ourselves back at the same place again. it doesnt have to be a physical spot at all it can be existing nowhere on earth but in a microscopic drawer in your brain. it's so easy to keep coming back to it, the things which cannot be refuted. going round and round the things you know are, and arent true. there isnt anyone to tell you otherwise.

ive tried a thousand times, maybe it will work this time.

clear day, cloudy day

their voices.... speechless

Yesterday was a clear day, today is a cloudy day
Do you know tomorrow’s weather?
The weather reports are never right
The skies are black and silent
It’s raining here, it’s raining inside of me
The clouds are always gray yeah yeah
The sun always rises and sets yeah yeah yeah
This rainy night is not too bad
How’s the weather for you?
Yeah yeah yeah
For some reason, it seems like it’ll be a clear morning tomorrow

was totally speechless when i read the first few lines, coz it sounded eerily like a poem i wrote ages ago, in a time where the weather changed madly from morning to afternoon to night; in a time when i never knew when it would be rainy or sunny we used to say, if it rains in the morning it'll be sunshiny in the afternoon "in the middle of winter, i found an invincible summer" my personal motto is to keep running towards the impossible futures. today's wild dream is tomorrow's reality; i know that well enough. so even when it seems too hard to even take one step towards that, when it seems like nothing you do will ever change anything, you have to keep going. simple truths to live by

i believe strongly that every unanswered prayer is either for an excellent reason, or will someday be answered in a way that is better than i could have ever imagined. i'm not angsty currently haha (in fact just watched some particularly awesome dramas zomg so nice!!), but this song brought back memories. and i guess i've been thinking a lot lately. i believe.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

2012 in summary

jan - i love these days when it all becomes clear... God's plan, inasmuch of its entirely as i am allowed to see now.

feb - on why i dont believe in rainbows
(right after this i saw a rainbow, wrote a poem about it, and got a miracle)
march - the 6am wakeup calls are starting aurgh
apr - whoa. thrombosed haemorrhoids
may - (picture of person head-desking)God I pray - for those who need motivation
june - glorious slackery.
(exams just ended)
july - friday was such a happy day!!/ YEAH I CAN DO THIS GO GO GO *random self-talk* ONE MORE DAY COME ON
aug - pureadrenaline. had my first emed shift yesterday, and today had lectures from 10am all the way to around 9pm.
sept - ummm... so i think psych is making me a little depressed after all. haha
oct - superhero.
nov - jesus take the wheel
dec - why do people chase after dreams?

it's december!! time has passed so fast... one year ago i was halfway thru year 3, and now suddenly yr 4 is ending (at least i sincerely hope i pass the exams), and we're going to be immersed in SIP soon? more importantly... CHRISTMAS!! its just such a happy season.

the other day i received a rather happy unexpected email :) havent had a miracle in a long time (not that i expect the universe to owe me anything!) but it's just such a happy surprise. let's hope it works out. just had such extremely low expectations that i was uber surprised.
why do people chase after dreams?
we cry so much over it yet we still hope for tomorrow

any time... any fate... the road to no end
hope is my only guide through now

i dont regret, and i can no longer turn back
a drawing of the scene that won't fade away

i am covered in bruises
it hurts, even though i know it's better to give up

any time... any fate... i look to the sky
until the day when my wish comes true

kara's seungyeon - guilty

awake at 3am doing forensic path essay.

have been slacking off for 2 weeks, some parts of it have been more glorious than others. the last few days have been characterized by extreme fatigue, mild dyspepsia [the usual]. had to literally drag myself to the last day of posting today.

anyway it's the weekend now! last bit of freedom, but i also realized from this posting that i quite like clinical postings and seeing patients to hammer in the info, it just sticks so much better that way!! 2 more weeks and then HOLIDAY! although i might need to start mugging for end of year exams. but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.


day off and then one week of holiday! have been really into notion reccently so just set up my notion dashboard since i have a day off to...