was reflecting on why, despite meeting S so randomly so many times & feeling called to help out with the youth ministry in church, i didn't ever go, and it's nearly 1.5 years already. part of it is inertia, most of it is the residual stuff that i cant really... let... go. i actually feel it is the right decision to not help out since i think there is a best way for everyone to put their gifts to use, and mine really doesnt lie in this area. as to why i felt the calling in the random meetings, i think it's something to do with the effects of chance/ coincidence, and more of a general rather than specific calling. and literally, i wouldnt know what to do with 14 yr olds. i have no clue.
and then i found this v encouraging song while fbing, so totally worth it lol.
you are more than the choices that you've made
you are more than the sum of your past mistakes
you are more than the problems you create
you've been remade
well she tries to believe it
that she's been given new life
but she can't shake the feeling
that it's not true tonight
'cause this is not about what you've done
but what's been done for you
this is not about where you've been
but where your brokenness brings you to
this is not about what you feel
but what He felt to forgive you
and what He felt to make you loved
really resonated with me
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