thankyou b2st for cheering me up! :)
this has really spurred me on to streamline my inefficiencies, and to re-think where is the THERE i am aiming towards. my biggest flaws are inconsistency and inefficiency, and my strengths are determination and a healthy dose of luck. or maybe you could call it miracles. but while miracles are great and i do have faith, obviously i need to put in some work too.
also think i need to be more open-minded about the future instead of just focusing on one point. part of why i'm so afraid about this is because i really want to do God's will w.r.t choosing the endpoints, and because of that association, i dont want to in the end be like 'blaming' God if i dont get in. i mean seriously the chances of getting in where i wanna apply is crazy low. for the record, i am quite sure at the moment that this is my calling. not just that specialty, but that institution. but i feel that reccent events have shown me that i am the anti-thesis of being qualified, and i cant decide whether i should apply against the odds anyway. but it has definitely made me re-evaluate my choices and think harder about why i want this, and are there any other options, or is this the ONLY WAY TO HAPPINESS.
while i havent exactly had the sparkling fireworks yet, a&e and o&g is not bad too. so maybe instead of going for an overseas elective, i'll spend the 3 months here trying to figure out my future. sounds good. so possible elective schedule - my dream job, a&e, o&g. cos maybe i just overall have more exposure to _____, plus if you keep one-track mindedly obsessing about something, you make it up to be this AWESOME amazing thing. so just wanna keep an open mind. in light of that, kinda grateful for both the extra inspiration in wanting to study more efficiently, and general self improvement, and also for the re-evaluation and more intelligent decision making re electives as opposed to indulgently doing things. So even though i felt really inadequate for a while, selfimprovement and gung-honess is something i thoroughly enjoy! i totally thrive on making plans, fuelled by adrenaline. GO GO i can do this!
funnily enough, i was looking for quotes for running etc to make myself go running (er... i didnt accomplish that, but i did manage to learn the entire dance for Wonder Girls' new song Like This... haha) and i realised that much as running makes me a better person and more determined to conquer the odds, the quotes are very YOU CAN DO THIS w.r.t life as well. so here goes some
ok this one is a bit intense. but a worthy thought lol