Tuesday, July 10, 2012
when i was alone, wandering in the darkness
i couldn't see anything
i will become that beam of light
that always lights up the road in front of you
today i found myself enjoying what i was doing. this hard-earned thing that as i got used to it, got easier and mechanical, even, and then transformed into this brainpower-consuming jelllyfish. though i swore to give it my all, the giving of every hour, thought, and effort was not entirely what i had expected, specially since i cant deny i wanted time to chill out. i guess i thought that i would have at least a few weeks to recharge.
but! today i realised that spending my holidays this way is actually really lovely :) it's just something so precious. it's really wonderful and such an honor to be doing something for humanity. it didnt hit me until i asked for the extra prayers on sunday. then i realised, the beautiful thing about this whole thing, is how it is something beyond me. and the reason i never actually aspired to this particular bit, is because i've always considered it so high-up and above me. and i still do actually. i dont think i am worthy of it. but to have the opportunity to do even an infinitesmal bit of it now, is really amazing. so i'm going to trust that every small hill is just that, and believe that the universe which has already orchestrated so many things beyond me, can fix everything just fine.
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