Saturday, June 23, 2012

flashback

well, life is improving! the puzzle has not been solved but it has been resolved, so not too bad

i quite liked going to central lib & collecting a thick volume of some ancient journal & photocopying it heh. makes me feel so studious. plus, im almost certain my sec 4 self would have loved to be checking out the journal of clinical ______ like x 100 so yay. had an impromptu meetup with a friend too who was returning stuff i lent her, my stethoscope now has heard an mitral stenosis murmur!! for the life of me, i cannot remember if i've ever heard it. now lets just hope my steth remembers it on my behalf. lol. i rationally think i've heard all the 4 major murmurs, but i cant like place a face/ memory to it. guess i must have heard it in one of those marathon cardio clerking days i had with yj in ttsh where the SIP student/ MO/ HO would give us cases after cases as we rushed round blasting through short cases. good timesss

but WHY IS SINGAPORE SO EXTREMELY HOT. zzz. it's crazy sweltering these days.
anyways. just wanted to express my relief about stuff being solved, or slightly more ok. i think this is a harbinger of EXTREMELY GREAT THINGS to come. or well. it better be. if i ever survive this. i can do this i can do this!

was initially planning to buy kazuo ishiguro, but needed to be reunited with my steth. SOON. i badly need a reward for surviving. or finishing. maybe i should actually finish first then reward myself, lol .

continuing with this stream of consciousness (i swear this is Significant!) today i ate tau suan. and it made me think of ______. and its then that i realised that i really did not deserve the niceness and the everything. like literally, i'm not good enough. i guess its just that, that sort of niceness is not something i was used to (or am). its something unfamiliar, and novel to me, and i had no idea how on earth to deal with it. i have lots of ways for dealing with unconventional friendships that i dont know where they are leading to, but i didnt have any idea at all what was the best way to deal with that. and as a consequence, i definitely didnt deal with it in a good way. oh well. these thoughts just flooded my head as i was eating the tau suan. great. now everytime i eat tau suan i'll think of this. well you know, no matter what, i do believe in God. and i believe that if it's meant to be, it'll be. even if i did mess up a lot of things. i mean, i have a high capacity for messing up a wide variety of things anyway. all i want to say is, truthfully, i have no approach to this kinda stuff. and so. and that that song is really my favorite of all time. so when i heard the strains of it coming out, despite everything, this thought ran through my head, independent of anything else... that maybe...

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