Saturday, April 14, 2012

the open door


1. myasthenia gravis
2. prosthetic heart valves [mitral/ aortic]
3. klinefelter's
4. hypothyroidism
5. aortic regurgitation
6. mitral regurgitation
7. esm over aortic region = aortic stenosis i guess
9. multiple lipomas
10. scm mass

livin' on a prayer.
leaving early today, the playground glinted in the sunlight.

I know, that if He calls me to it, he will bring me through it. though it seems like the door is too narrow to enter through, it is not. it is not. and right now... honestly it seems impossible. there are ways but...
waiting for emails, again. sigh.

such clear-skied happiness seems just out of reach, slightly more than an arm's length away. when i think about surg, i just get this murky feeling. which isnt too surprising obviously, having been exposed to it for the past seven weeks.
but for this... it feels like i've wanted this forever. it feels like everything happened for this purpose. it just feels like it fits so perfectly.

i believe in miracles.
i believe that despite being unworthy, if there is an easter sunday, anything is possible.
i believe that even though we keep falling asleep, when we are supposed to be up with lighted lamps, i will keep trying again & again until i can stay awake.
and somehow, i believe that this is intrinsically linked
for you need to follow Him in order to know his 'good and perfect will'

do you know, to this day, i don't understand fully why things had to happen the way they did
but maybe, i needed to meet ___ to teach me that if God wants it, it will happen. and her absolute belief in that which indeed came to fruition, is a clarion call of inspiration.

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