Sunday, February 5, 2012

after apple-picking

managed to find my poetic-voice back! although, i think that if there were a specific memory/ person/ feeling attached to it, it would be a far stronger poem. as it stands, it's just a glossed-up version of a meterological phenomenon, it's not a strand spooled out of a rainbow-coloured cottoncandy experience, filled with dancing horses; it's not part of any bittersweet memory that i never want to remember again.  anyway, i cant currently remember any bittersweet memory i swore up and down never to remember again, because..... DUH. haha!

dithering up & down about a Decision. hai, choices. i like it, there is no question about that, but LONGTERM COMMITMENTS bleh i'm not too good with things like that. but if i dont do it now, there may never be a good time to do it again :( guess ultimately it depends on the timing/ timetables/ understandingness etc. will talk to g on tues or somethingg i guess.

spent the whole of saturday feeling like a kid in a candy store. actually considering the amount of sparkles/ decorations/ sweetthings/ colorfulthings in the holland v baking shop, i was pretty much in one. it was nice exploring the back end of holland v too! i realise why people say its like an angmoh place, i think its the place in sg that feels most uk/europish with the cafes and restaurants under the apartments. and mango dresses were particularly pretty too! retail therapy heaven, even if i didnt buy anything -yet -, i'm totally going back soon!

i also realised that maybe instead of circling round and round with my philosophical questions, i can never find the answer by myself, i need to turn to God. sometimes its MEANT to be cloudy with a chance of meatballs. and in such cases it's better to just take the leap of faith and trust.

trusting is closing your eyes and falling backwards. it isnt abseiling 2cm and then asking them to pull you back (heh obs memories). it isn't checking and re-checking your equipment, packing and repacking your backpacks, it isnt wondering what the weather will be like two days from now and thinking that a wisp in the sky is a Sign, or deciding which mountain to climb based on the shapes of the clouds in the sky. it isn't based on anything concrete (cos erm then that's no longer blind faith...) nor is it based on prediction-hodge-podge. it's based on the idea that you just go about doing whatever you are meant to be doing, and whatever is the outcome, then it'll be fine. :) i mean, as long as you are doing His will.

the usual proverbs "commit your plans to the Lord, and your work will be established"

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