Friday, January 6, 2012

repeat the same words

you know sometimes you are just too exhausted to pick yourself up and start running again

these two weeks of hols were actually THOROUGHLY unproductive, putting my internal-medicine-robotory skillz completely to shame.

i barely studied, ate out gazillions of times (and gazillions of food) and hardly burnt anyy of it off. and i spent the whole time bumming around enjoying life hehe. but it was awesome (barring the part where i keep having to disarm my personal inefficiency danger alarm). goes to show how unusedd we are to glorious slackery i guess
to the point that when i tried to start up the engine again, i was just like zzzzz let me sleep longer please

BUT! now, marshmallow-fuelled, i am baaack on teh wagon! go go! but im not going for CTS. hahaha. today i shall
1. email my supervisor all the papers i found
2. do the irb form thing
3. study hypertension (from priscilla's)
4. dance hiphop!
5. return library books
6. borrow MORE books
7. procure ingredients to make yummy food (as per my DAILY resolution)

~

just keep having this feeling that i want to overhaul everything and commence perfection NOW but inertia.

and get rid of all the random thoughts in my head. paeds really cleared it out so efficiently. i was like an assault tank during that posting seriously. okay so it got extremely tiring constantly worrying about THE FUTURE but at least i dont have to think of all this. having time for oneself is excellent but thinking about unproductive things is FRUSTRATING.

so yeah just random reflections

and also i think that some things, once gone, can really never be gotten back again. especially when one deals with it so clearly & specifically to the end. or rather, shall we say, some things just dont have to be said. oh well. nevertheless, sometimes it's also just that ethically, for fairness and balance in the universe, what goes around must come around. it doesn't always have to go to the fullest conclusion of perfection. or maybe it is the saving-me thing haha that hasn't happened to me for so long (maybe coz i havent really needed to be saved much from anything thank goodness.) but nah, i think it deserves it's own standalone place in the forests of the mind. and i havent really been able to discern anything for a long time now (have i been a particularly bad girl, or is this teh dark tea-time of the soul spiritually speaking or whaaaat),

but something that struck me very strongly was that this is good, and this is God's will. i dont even know which exact bit particularly but i just felt the peace & happiness that i prayed for. i dont know how or what or when or why, but i know its gonna be okay, much more than okay in fact

koyote's repeat the same words
i LOVE the beat! makes u wanna jump up and start dancing

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