Monday, January 30, 2012

because it's you

LOL the poem-of-the-day in my email inbox is... an o&g poem

anyway, am now suffering the consequence of having a LOVELY hols where i did everything i wanted to. well, not everything, like i didnt trek up the himalayas or organise a conference or save the world ;p but chill out & spend time with loved ones & finally act like a human being for once? CHECK. i seriously hung out with almost every single one of my friends too! cept d, who whatsapped me the DAY AFTER i decided it was time for Serious Work. oh well. im looking forward to going to dublin & james joyce-ing my way around it. so i shall defo see him at some point in time!

seriously. taking the 2+2 as a 4 week block, i feel mostt satisfied looking back upon it :):)

anyways we're on our palliative care attachment now, and following the general trend of fam med tutors, the one today was really nice + engaging + etcetc. seriously when the tutor has lunch with your group, it makes such a difference. makes you feel like they're a human being!! and the place we were at today was very definitely a catholic place. really nice to see all the crosses around & stories of the saints' lives hanging on the walls.

for a little while, i felt like i should work there cos it is clearly such an incredibly noble profession & obviously such a catholic place, like i should give back for all he has given me. and i really wanted to, to, because well the feeling you get is basically like walking around in church... this deep sense of peace and God's presence. its really very hard to say no to that spirituality-filled env. but then i realised with some sadness that goodintentions nothwithstanding, i dont really have the personality/character/fortitude to do so. the tutor was telling us that he chose pall med because he really wants to give pple a good end to their lives and he is so passionate abt that & clearly believes in that 100%, that gives him life satisfaction. its then that i realised (even as my mind was full of admiration) that the point is to use whatever He has given in the best place possible, so as to put it to the best use. and whether i am capable enough/ will get it, i definitely know that my heart lies with _____. and its no cakewalk either, im sure i will put in enough calls and endure lots of scoldings for my ineptitude, to feel like i'm fulfilling my penance. i probably didnt articulate this properly, but oh well. but it was just such a beautiful example of putting one's talents to use for God. i'm sure that the exact implementation differs for everyone. maybe they dont raise up peds drs as saints particularly but its ok its actually v hard to be a saint (from the little of their lives ive read) and i think im rather far from it anyway haha.

THAT said i realise tt im actually in the middle/ slightly <50% of the class bellcurve thingummy whereas previously i thought that i was getting an A-ish mark based on some arbitary A-ish grade i had in my mind?! so UMM time to step it up yo. i really enjoy studying leisurely as opposed to SHIT I NEED TO KNOW THIS BEFORE WARD ROUND TMR ARGHHH which erm obviously i phailed at anyway since i still cannot rmb the CHADS2 score despite being pimped on it at int med ward rounds, reading up on it, dr loh's tut on it...

me: C is for... erm okay nevermind...H is for congestive heart failure!
yj: ... no C is for congestive HF, H is for hypertension
me: oh crap okay A is for atrial fibrillation
everyone *hysterics* NOO the chads2 score is for atrial fibrillation!! A is age...

me: oh right...

its like when i told my research supervisor
*confidently* oh, and i know how to use CPSS also
supervisor: *pause* you mean SPSS. CPSS is the patient records system

or during the GI tutorial
tutor: so when the patient is bleeding, what should you do?
me: give anti-coagulation!!

okay continuing this extremely random post, i'm now going to make a list of dramas i watched in 2011/2012 thus far that made me smile/ entertained me! and that i actually finished (the total number is actually rather low, surprisingly). because... um they entertained me! and haha if i dont record it it seems like all the hours will drifttt away into nothingness. okay i guess they already did. haha. into prettily-organised notes..

1. dream high
2. secret garden (the body switch was so hilarious! actually this just seems sooo long ago)
3. best love
4. scent of a woman (tango!! bucket lists!)
5. the musical (didnt finish the last 3 eps though, degenerated into ?!! it's such a pity because the first few eps were so fantastic)
6. what's up

currently watching: high kick. it's only 20 mins per episode and is so funny! seriously the best thing to accompany studying about gallstones. although, i really really miss how i met your mother/ gossip girl/ big bang theory. ARGHH.

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