Sunday, October 30, 2011

go away

dyspepsia + myalgia + fatigue for 3 days = ???

hate this :( also some things have THOROUGHLY thrown my schedule out of whack.

however, this is officially the maddest thing ever :D

Thursday, October 27, 2011

friday friday!

"eh my patients dad is really angry his kid got dengue. He wants to know the name of the mosquito"
"isnt it... aedes egypti?"
"OHhhh u mean, not the personal name of the mosquito?"

Something happened which reminded me so irrevocably of you

actually, lots of things do. Just whether i choose to think of it or not
usually i don't

so i just laughed cos im so happy that i dont fall intothe same cropcircles

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

this is just to say

This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

ps william carlos williams was a paediatrician. inspiring indeed. sometimes you just need this kinda stuff to keep you on the road. like when you are sleepy and there is portfolio...

BUT enough of all the usual programming. i'm 22! i didnt really notice since it's been like GOING BACK TO KINDERGARTEN heh.
happy +++

hm im not sure if fb msges really mean much to people coz sometimes i know, me also, i just see the notification then i just automatically go and type a msg to the person. BUT to me, this round the msges really meant a lot. because every single one meant to me, a new friend, or a really loyal, cherished old friend. a really difficult portfolio has made me unable to finish replying yet, but it was v heartwarming.

people like MICHELLE, MANYUN, SHARON etc still ooze such warmth in their tone when wishing me, who is like the MOST RECALCITRANT, most-likely-to-back-out of mad schemes friend ever. or like whose skype randomly dies during exciting gossip (that part is soo not my fault though. i must have rebooted my comp like ten times.) i really. wow. i can't believe God has given me such great friends for so long. and yea i totally know that with me being me, i coulda lost them at any time. THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS FOR STICKING WITH ME. much love.


people i have known for 3 yrs plus, and who honestly, i may never see again, but who take the effort to write something heartfelt... guys, it really makes it worthwhile to know that in that time, i have done something WORTHWHILE with my life. i have made some connections that, at least in the past year, has not COMPLETELY eroded yet. i dont honestly regret anything anymore (i am sorry) but trust me when i say, i did spend quite some time remembering the past. because i feel it is just PHILOSOPHICALLY WRONG to forget so fast. its kinda sad really, cos it shows human nature in such great clarity. but you know the YUAN QING BU RU JING LING proverb. so so true. God gives and takes away eh?

some people like HL and IVY who are (by nature of the forces of... LIFE), always around, i really feel so happy to bump into you guys randomly in nuh. i'm so glad that due to fortuitious circumstances we still see each other often. it reminds me of such happy times during cell :) ok i dont see them THAT often, but randomly yes. hahaha. i always see HL in the nuh kopitiam though!

to every single person in nus med who has made me so much significantly happier in this year than i was last year, i am really very fortunate to have met you guys. like i said, i know its just a dropped one-liner that i am guilty of as well haha but it just somehow, felt so significant to me. like a physical reminder of a new friend made, someone who i would have just walked past in the lt one year ago but who now i would chat with at at lockers, talk to during combined lectures, etc. of course, i really dont know that many people in my class hahaha but then ehhh who does the class is so big la.

and of course as ever, thank God :)
now all i need to do is try my best to do what i must well. it's difficult but... if it be God's will, i know i will get it. i dont dare to think of anything else. i suppose if i dont get it i can try a&e, or something. but for the meantime, try.

and most of all, thank God that i am good with kids. i think if after all that wishing i was lousy and kids all didnt like me it woulda been ughh. but luckily, quite the reverse! especially really small babies who dunno anything. hahahaha. the moro reflex is so adorable. or maybe the sucking & rooting. ahh i can't choose!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

alligator sky

Dear God, I was terribly lost,
When the galaxies crossed,
And the Sun went dark.
Dear God, You're the only North Star,
I would follow this far.

Oh telescope, keep an eye on my only hope,
Lest I blink and be swept off the narrow road.

Hercules, you've got nothing to say to me,
'Cause you're not the blinding light that I need.

For He is the saving grace of the Galaxies!
He is the saving grace of the Galaxies

- owl city, galaxies

going back at 5pm is really the most painful thing on earth. i met the nice HO who showed us the v good case the other day, then had to suffer the steady stream of medical students trying to look at the case notes. although probably the one who suffered most was the deluged kid. i asked him "is it a lot of people keep coming to talk to you?" *nod nod* i gave him a sticker, and he took it like he was doing me a favor. LOL. haha i actually heard the ho chatting to his friend on friday afternoon (as hanyu and i hogged the casenotes like parasites) "and if you want to be a medical student, you should go feel the _______" anyway so when he saw me he almost apoptosized that i was there on sat evening HAHAHA then started angsting "it's saturday, i'm on call, and im depressed!!" and gave me a good case. YAY. unfortunately it was really awkward as the regs were literally writing in the case notes, so it's quite difficult to peer over their shoulders

wow my life is so happening isnt it. ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, i cant go out for exciting celebrations but baking will commence :D

but honestly, doing kk peds during my bday is the BEST PRESENT EVER. :):)

Saturday, October 22, 2011

mystery train

just realized i have go back tomorrow morning to find out some details about my case writeups -_- i had such grand plans for the weekend!! okay fine not -reaally- but certainly cooler stuff than going back on sat. and i hate going back and asking people questions -_- the good thing is my case write up patients are all like primary school aged and i can take history from them, as opposed to like a one month baby. but then im TOTALLY stumped for DA. it's like you dont talk about ADLs for a 30 year old, im guessing you dont say "this is a 12 year old who can draw a straight line, fix and follow, climb stairs..." unless there is related pathology la

but anyway thank goodness they are v nice people! although what do teenage boys like. probably not stickers right. football??! mc donalds?!

on the bright side, i love mystery train's new song. even though i have no idea who they are

i was allright until last night when you walked into my dreams

Friday, October 21, 2011


no of case writeups done = 0
no of kids i have branded with frog/ balloon stickers = infinity
no of kids who i have lost entire sheets of stickers to = 2
no of kids with kawasaki's disease = 3 (and i thought it was supposed to be rare?!)
no of times i have gotten lost in the hospital = every single day
how long it takes on average for someone to get from the 6th floor lockers to the 6th floor wards in the next tower = 30 minutes

number of times i have run in the past week = ONE ><

no of cases that have broken my heart thus far = two

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


He has made everything beautiful in its time. ecclesiastes 3:11

cant help but wonder sometimes, is it that some things are not planned, or that i am just messing up God's plan?!.

so many things, i dont think i coulda done it any other way. for all the good things i've accidentally done, i am heartily grateful.

there were one or two things that unexpectedly went a little off-track yesterday, when i thought i'd got it all down pat. it all happened so fast, and weirdly and argh i am just best at this kinda thing really. but then logistics-wise,today has been really good. i did all the stuff i want to do, plus managed to have a nap in the middle of the day ;p all greatly helped by ending at 1pm due to the cancelled paeds surg lecture hehehe

haish. but i still cant beat myself up about doing some stuff. i suppose it's just... a me thing to do. but i usually can leave a good impression on people for at least a year at a go, i dont usually do weird stuff early on in my accquaintances ARGHH okay nevermind, never mind. God turns all things to good! how he will do this is totally beyond me! and if he's to turn anything to good i vote for my impending mini-cex on a neonate instead hahaha.

maybe life just really is what you make of it

to think of fate, and what you missed out on by your own stupidity is too depressing really. just failing to do something is just barely acceptable, messing up teh PLAN is infinitely worse.

here end random thoughts, for we have FOUR 2 HR LECTURES TOMORROW. very soul-sucking ones where they make you do mcqs and TRACK YOUR SCORES. and CALL YOU UP IF YOU DONT DO WELL. oh goodness. guess no one's going to be nominating me as a good student in this posting anytime soon. (not like that ever happens). but better to do mcqs made by the professor than dubious ones from or some weird website or other, the night before the exam!


this morning i stumbled into some stranger than usual wards to talk to patients. i realized that the wonderland atmosphere of 62 is not quite the same everywhere. but strangely enough, it doesn't deter me. it challenges me to make myself a better person

the people i met were understandably stressed, harried, etc, but they were very kind & actually wished us well as we left, despite my clear noobness:

in a few years time i hope then i can do something rather than just offer stickers & listen.

sometimes book learning/ rote-clerking is good, to add on to your store of head knowledge. it was, what people would call, a "good case". but thinking of it in that way really makes me feel subhuman.

hai there is more i would like to say, but i dont know how to say it, and privacy issues. like i really wanted to write about my tuesdays with morrie, well friday really, moment, but i dont know how to. literally. how do you put a moment into words, one that you can't really understand yourself

Monday, October 17, 2011


i wish i would think before i speak

but today was really :)


i heart sushi!

clinics on friday were really v good, and i presented at ward rounds. first time i've ever heard anyone say "not too bad!" but could just be the reg is v nice

spent the weekend reading the diana wynne jones books i bought with the KINO VOUCHERS I WON *happy squee*. talk about satisfaction. they were really lovely. but now i'm going to die for the interactives tomorrow arghh. also skyped with michelle which was, as usual, full of the usual stuff ;p BUT highly marked with my computer GOING OFF EVERY FIVE MINUTES i'm sure you can see why that might get in the way

anyway, highly worried about the mini-CEX at the end of this four weeks, coz my tutor is a neonatologist so ALMOST CERTAINLY i'll get a neonate. ARGHHH. but honestly speaking i've had extremely low expectations of myself + really thick skin after the epic-ness that was TTSH gen med, so ANYTHING will be a happy surprise.

here's to one more week of feeling sleepy and alice-in-wonderland-lost, as i descend upon the wards with my newly-accquired stash of stickers, raisins & windmills!

(and as always, praying for grace. i can feel that i was called for this, and i don't want my human bumbling to mess up anything.)

Thursday, October 13, 2011


for the next eight weeks: playing with cute children & babies everyday, waving my angrybird toy at happy/ runny nosed-faces, bribing the entire ward 62 with my stickers, and catching rhinitis. i love this so much.

yesterday i arrived at 730am to go bribe a primary school kid with dinosaur stickers. today we had a tutorial and the tutor went up to the pt and said "which of these is your doctor?" the kid looked at him and said "shes not my doctor, she's my medical student" AWWW so cute!! omg omg. although im not so sure he liked us so much after the ensuing 1 hour tutorial over his head. i lent him my phone to play angry birds HAHA as diversion.

ahh its just really nice to walk out of the ward at 5pm and see your friend playing with a toddler in the background. to walk around during wardrounds dispensing stickers & pacifying children. and you get to walk in on 2 guys going "look, kitty, kitty!!" to a small girl clinging onto her dad hee

this is worth everything. i could do this forever

Sunday, October 9, 2011

what freaks me out is, that at the base of things i am not a good person. i guess i am not really :(

pray for
1. goodwill
2. self-restraint
3. wisdom

the question is not about wrongness or rightness but rather, what to do.

maybe the only way is pray for grace

Saturday, October 8, 2011

infinite paradise


i've never been so glad for anything to be over. oh wait, ortho. oh wait, year 2 exams... lol ANYWAY.

the past few days have been spent in a flurry clearing up admin odds & ends, writing thank you cards, clerking last min cases.

i want to say that i absolutely LOVE my cg. thank you so much guys for making this a fantastic 8 weeks. i have identified a staggering amount of personal flaws in this 8 weeks, but thank you for putting up with me, laughing at all my lame jokes, listening to all my random shizz, tolerating the blonde jokes (c, im paraphrasing here to be pc). we had an AMAZING end of posting celebration which involved crepes & pizza at marche, chocolate fondue and an enron-risque movie at m's house, and medical taboo! SO BRILLIANT why did we never think of this idea before hahaha. really suitable ending to an epic eight weeks.

as i wrote my thank you cards, the eight weeks flashed by my eyes. i remembered the first tutorial: HOW TO MAKE PATIENTS LIKE YOU. while its still a hit or miss thing for me, i think that i can get it around 70% of the time and depending on my energy level/ the exoticness of the thing the patient has, i can actually establish a pretty good rapport! the patient being grumpy etc doesnt usually matter anymore. i can make people happier! yey. clerked an amazing case for the final mini-cex yesterday and today when i went to the ward to get my scores the patient walked out of the ward with his son & waved happily to me. you can't get any better than that sometimes.

i remembered all the times sitting in neuro tuts with possibly the most passionate and enthusiastic tutor ever who really loves his students. i remembered our adorable cardio tutor and how i will always think of his face/ voice giving us the heart failure tuts if anyone questions me on hf/ murmurs EVER. i remembered the gi tutorials where i felt like syncope-ing but the great information on liver just kept coming like a waterfall, the pain/ flc clinics in which the tutor taught us hx taking and pe excellently except he thought it was our first day not our last HAHAHAHA. anyways, there's more but memory fails me. all the epic chart stimulated recalls with our core tutor. will definitely go through everything thoroughly and self-reflect (not that im gunner, this is on advice from people!).

and... paeds is coming up! no matter what, i think i owe it to myself to at least give it a good shot :) and... have fun.

on another note, i think i will ALWAYS wonder what the cases the ward reg told me were interesting to clerk, on the last day, but i never got round to.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

this was a good reminder. maybe. maybe someday i can be equally worthwhile in some way or another.

meanwhile... looking at SO PRETTY...

i think i need to survive on love & fresh air for the next two mths. hahaha. pretty dressess... i want :(

was distracted by a whole multitude of things during mass, then this came to my mind.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" - matthew 6:25

ah well.

in any case, this is making me v happy now


day off and then one week of holiday! have been really into notion reccently so just set up my notion dashboard since i have a day off to...