Monday, May 23, 2011

just to remind myself

Alice: Sometimes I believe as many as six different things before breakfast
Hatter: That is an excellent plan. However, just for now, you may want to focus on the Jabberwocky.


venice & italy & nic & michelangelo's david

wow. i really am still sec three at heart arent i

i dont know if my sec 3 self is capable of reserving all the trains & hotels though ;p thAT said, i AM GOING to take a picture with michelangelo's david. 100% :):)

on a personal mission to find the best gelato and coffee in italy. there's something that makes me think, in the middle of WHY DID I NOT CHECK OUT FODORS.COM BEFORE BOOKING EURAIL PASSES AND BASICALLY PLANNING ANYTHING AT ALL, that we will find pretty little spots, in the tuscan countryside & things. olive groves of sheer beauty, the sort that inspire poetry you can't put into words. being ridiculously impressionable and easily impressed, i have no doubt that my rods and cones will produce beautiful pictures for me and that novels will write themselves in my head

its sometimes a struggle to overlook logistics but when i see pictures of the tuscan countryside, i know, it is worth it.

now if only i could find out WHERE to go exactly to see those same vistas. grrr

ALSO on the dratted eurail pass, one of our days cost only... 6 euros. WELL PLAYED. i am now going to drag everyone to lake como & cinque terre to make the most out of that day. the eurail pass cost.... AHHH nevermind, let's not go there.

Friday, May 20, 2011

two completely polar opposite MVs. LOL

thump thump - from the best love ost

best love is really the BEST KDRAMA of ALL TIME. if anyone who reads this likes watching korean dramas, strongly reccomended!! cha seung won is officially my first ajusshi crush ever. its creepy that his son is my age though ughh. looks aside, his acting is superb. the way this guy shows pain/ affection with his eyes is unparalleled. and the way he actually wants friends/ companionship despite being a top star is so adorable. "didnt even ask me to go with them until the end. so selfish!"

even love declarations are cute
her: could it be... you like me?
him: ding-dong!!

LOL. okay there are a hundred things to love about this drama. like how she's on the phone with his rival in love and he's like... PUT DOWN MY PANTY BEFORE YOU GO. PAN-TY! PAN-TY!! zomggg

lest it seems that i've been pursuing brain-numbing activities all day long, i've also been checking out florentine art pieces okayyy. lol. can't help but think how educational this tri would be for an art history major. cos for me, its just like, okay, another famous art piece... that said, i do want to see the last supper!! apparently it's all fully booked though. bah. will try my luck i guess. right now we're just all living in fear of being pickpocketed in rome. zzzz I SURE HOPE NOT.

also went with a friend to kino to help him pick books. BOOKS! YAY! i have now assured myself of my own literary credentials, and mentally picked out all the books i want for my library next time. and, hopefully, didnt reccomend any unsavoury books to him lol. it's surprisingly stressful cos what if the person doesnt have the same taste in books! in the end i thinkk he got white teeth by zadie smith (which rayner lent me post a levels, and which i LOVED), the god of small things by arundathi roy (fantastic, but to this day i cant remember a single thing but the lemondrink orangedrink man. and no, it is definitely not a good thing haha), and a last one i can't rmb. others in contention were a brave new world, stig larsson, catch-22, etc. i guess we DO share a similar taste heh. anyways it was fun, friends + books is always a failsafe outing really for me

and met up with the girls yesterday for lunch! bleh i should have stayed for pirates cos its not like i was UBER productive or anythingg. anyways yea it was great catching up! and exchanging csfc stories :):) its the kind of outing you come back from and realise: hey, i have friends after all!! (yes. i'm slowwww) heh no la i knew it all along but yknow i prefer to count my chickens after theyve hatched anyway we have plans to bake after i come back from italy!! yey. why do all my post exam plans sound the same forever i dont seem to evolve from my 16 year old self very muchh

on that note,

it hurts by 2NE1. THEIR HAIR. and the cake! i love 2NE1 to bits!!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


zomg taeyang
nuff said

also, TEDDY
dont be afraid of a thing/ cos my prayer for you will reach heaven

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

into the light

from wj's blog:
It scares me because I know I could potentially kill or save somebody. And it inspires awe in me because I realize that every day, I am standing in the gap for somebody, and I have the ability to make a difference. I could help somebody with my knowledge and care, or kill somebody with my ignorance or tardiness.

wow. that really puts all the studying in perspective huh?

i'm excited about Life. about my holiday, about year 3. about the things i want to volunteer to help in, about projects that may commence. fiddling with genes in lab/ neuro stuff gets me uber-geekily excited. i'm really grateful for the two beautiful years that God gave me in edinburgh. i think that i have successfully forgotten all the emo winter days HAHA. seriously, memory is so leaky. i only remember the hundreds of gatherings/ dinners/ worship sessions/ fellowship/ games/ madnesses. lots & lots of loveliness. nola i think nothing is ever perfect, but those 2 years were pretty close. and also, the session with our medicine tutor where he was running through the neuro exam and i kept trying unsuccessfully to stop laughing at all manner of random stuff. heh. actually csfc was pretty nice :) but yeah last sunday, i found myself thanking God uncategorically for the amazing-ness of it all. not thinking about any philosophical mountains or whatever, or what is better (cos there is no answer to that).

i heart this song!! miss A fighting :)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

all roads lead to rome

EXCITED. & praying for journey mercies. milan hotels are really hard to findd

streetjazz - doing j lo's on the floor. SUPER highoctane energy & awesomeness.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

to the lighthouse

things are being set in motion

yet some things, coming to a standstill.

you know, people like to advise you that happiness is something you find yourself. yeah, i know that. i am capable of searching for happiness myself, thanks very much. it's when other people affect your happiness, as is wont to happen unless one is a hermit, that you become conflicted. ie, everyone has rights, unless they conflict with someone else's rights. basic concept of human equality & rights.

on selfishness (wow i cant believe i am still hung up about this. LOLOL). anyway i guess i am selfish. cos the THIS IS GOD'S PERFECT PLAN THAT EXPLAINS THE FUZZY WEIRDNESS I DIDNT UNDERSTAND BEFORE can't be taken out of the picture. ie, if God planned it, its nothing to do with my own selflessness of whatever, i'm just following instructions. this is probably a good time to defend some odd actions i did before as being... due to this thing i knew had to occur. honestly, if it didnt occur, i'm not sure what i would have done to deal with the odd things i'd done before. it probably wouldnt have been that bad given that most people regard me as odd anyway, HAHA, but it probably wouldnt have been far from ideal in any case.

and you know how they say, you'll never make everyone happy, so you shouldnt try.

that said, i think there's definitely stuff i have to change. its just that... i dont know, if i change me, then what is me? if you take the prickly bits out of the hedgehog, what happens? does it get eaten by predators? does anything eat hedgehogs actually. no but really. as yr 3 starts (finally... thank you universe) i have to hang out with people almost 24/7 & work with them so i have to become a likeable person (read: not to suan the guys so much. hahaha!! not to make so many lame jokes. meh. its difficult!!)

randomly, i found virginia woolf's mrs dalloway, in english AND italian. hearts
and also, i finally opened colin's email, in which he sent me my own ssc project which i asked him to help me retrive from eemec. i have no idea how he zipped the stuff into winrar but it is seriously ALL THERE, and i was so immensely grateful when i saw it. there is SO MUCH stuff. even if i had thought to save it before i got locked out of eemec, i wouldnt have any idea how to do it.

and that summarizes it all, really. how God is There. how on that fateful, horrible day, of neruda's today i can write the saddest lines, i got A for the ssc, how colin was amazed at the speed of consolation for me. that email reminded me of that. so, DON'T WORRY, AND HAVE FAITH :)

Monday, May 9, 2011

the reason why i havent decided on anything is cos im scared

i dont believe in logic & philosophy anymore. they always fail me. anyway, i was always lousy at those philo essays we had to write in rg. God isn't giving me any divine ideas either but considering how ungrateful & unchristian i can be sometimes, honestly, I'M NOT TOO SURPRISED. that said, im happy i've been human all this while. cos martyred suffering is no fun, nope.

that said, my crystal ball tells me HAPPY DAYS are on the horizon, i just dont know where the horizon is. THAT said, i watched a hilarious drama last night where the heroine fell into a giant champagne glass. HAHA.

but most importantly; after rain, there comes a rainbow :) literally. fingers crossed for this one.

ALSO i really am m3 now, having passed CSFC (not that i doubted this but you know). lol. it's kinda anticlimax & the season for gratitude is... loong over but srsly THANK GOD, THANK GOODNESS, WHEW, YAY, bring it on, etc. m3!! :):)


camped out at borders to research my magical dream trip (btw, it's LITERALLY magicaldreamfluffycottoncandy, as i highly doubt we're going hahahah. whaaaat's new la. i'm not sad dont worry, the prep is half the fun :) but of course, when i was actually researching it in guidebooks, i thought maybe 75% we were going. i don't chase pipe dreams THAT often. only half the time ;p), i chanced upon eat, pray, love, which was made into a julia roberts movie. it is AMAZING.

i liked this quotation best -
"from the center of my life, there came a great fountain" - Louise Gluck

also ELECTIONS, stayed up til 3am. EXCITING STUFF. when i was actually voting i got pretty excited heh. it's the whole I AM TAKING PART IN DEMOCRACY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE thing. they said singaporean youth are apathetic but actually i think this election proved otherwise! a highlight was watching the news anchors rack their brains of things to say, watching the massive #sgelections thread on twitter, and watch the news actually use the twitter posts as news. hahaha. felt pretty sorry for the news people. and despite the whole yay for democracy thing, george yeo too, he seemed like a gentleman when accepting his defeat.

lol that's all i will say about the elections. ALSO. the returning officer dude, ZOMG. in the end i'd check the today online twitterfeed before he announced the results. and i think ultimately what i liked about this elections is the massive debate going on in the rallies/ newspapers. that just made it so exciting! and you know in normal debates, you win or lose, and go home, and it doesnt really matter anymore to anyone except you. but this time, the outcome of the debate impacts a whole COUNTRY. that's really amazing.

on a separate note, been doing some soul-searching lately. i can't say i know what to do about the future future, or but i think this hols, i'm literally going to follow the book's LITERAL advice ;p

eat, pray and love

if this journey takes me to italy, austria, or just to my backyard to smell the roses, or whatever, it doesnt really matter. anyway honestly looking at too many train timetables makes my brain hurt. LOL. and i am really scared of getting pickpocketed in rome. but i know He will not put me in situations i can't handle, so i will trust in that.

there really is a reason for everything.

i know the reason for why i went through some really puzzling things in the past, now. at the time, it was like "HUH, THIS IS SO RANDOM & OUT OF NOWHERE! WHY! WHY!" but it makes perfect sense now. but as to why NOW is happening, hmm, i'll get back to you in a few years time. well it isn't really right now now, but it's definitely a different chapter, with a different color altogether.

what i do know from the past chapter, and this one, is that i need to earn respect better from people, and i need to respect people more. i can't decide which is harder. but yeah. projects, studying, travelling, i can do that anytime. but messing around in the kitchen is not something i'll be able to experiment with when life gets busier. so if anything, i'm going to cook more this hols. maybe if i feed people, they'll be happier.

remember back when my answer to everything was cake? have problems with people? bake them a cake, i'd suggest! (qingqing once said in jc when i suggested this for cheering up an upset friend "that won't make her happy, it'll make her fat!) well. i've since learnt that life is indeed a piece of cake. you can't have your cake and eat it.

so maybe... i'll try cherry pie instead ;p

Friday, May 6, 2011

viennese waltzes

i just realized. the reason for my current obsession with all things viennese is vikram seth's an equal music. in it, the characters angst their way poetically through a variety of european cities, including vienna. well london too, but i'm not about to swim in the strand in winter...

the character, michael, muses about his love life as they play chamber music in vienna, walk through gilded hallways, etc...

ahhh this is clearly ALL mr. seth's fault!!

(please God, let me go to vienna... quite seriously, if i get to listen to people playing mozart/ strauss in a viennese concert hall, THIS LIFE HAS BEEN WORTH LIVING.)

and who knew salzburg was so cool! it's the place they filmed the sound of music (my favorite things! 16 going on 17! *froths at mouth*) & mozart was born and grew up there. AND the guy who wrote silent night lived there

i'm now going to memorize all the sound of music songs. hehehe

Thursday, May 5, 2011

i am a happy bunny! VIENNA! ITALY! SWITZERLAND!

also: IT WAS REAL.

maybe things are really, really, going to be all right.

you know? i have that uncanny feeling. when you spend the night before epic cramps RUNNING BACK FROM THE GYM (so commendable yo) & pep-talking yourself into optimism & BELIEVING IT, wow, it's like saying your deepest pit of angst is on mount everest

also: even if we dont go, the planning has brought MEANING TO LIFE ahaha. no seriously i heart planning trips soo much

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

things i MUST do
1. email lucy about last summer's neuro project (this is so... I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER)
2. decide who i shall email about this yr's project. paeds? surgery? paeds? surgery? ARGH i need a revelation or something!!
3. book tix to vienna/italy :) its cheaper than a lambourghini anyways hahahah
4. buy sims 3! i give up finding the cd liao. SIGH
5. sign up for marathons


dinner parties are EXHAUSTING. particularly when you have to find the teacups & teapots & sugar halfway through the thing.

anyway, reccent realizations i have to write down before i forget them
1. i long to be running the 21k route past the esplanade & around the city area & ecp at 630am in the morning.

2. happiness is really what you make out of life, not what life gives you. i was watching this show where the girl was such a pollyanna, it totally put me to shame. not that ive ever attempted that though, HAHA. this is really impt! it's like the key to life. you dont need to care what ANYONE thinks of your life, as long as you're doing what you know is right, & what you know you need to do. if you need to play computer games you should. if you need to fly off to africa to help starving kids you should (one day, someday. if/ when i feel particularly called. and definitely only after i qualify as a doctor. SO FAR AWAY sigh). anyway yeah you dont have to justify every single second of your life to anyone else. cos when you look at it, its not like every single second of their lives are exemplary or anything.

that said, i DO have plans, i'm just waiting for a certain date to go by before i put them into action.

and though my travelling plans keep getting tangled up in everything i have to consider, i think that the things i am considering are worthwhile. and that just brings me back to how honorably i have lived my life these few years. sure, there are things i blew off & neglected. but there are principles i lived by that i am PROUD OF, and happy to have lived by. i dont think you need $$$ all the time to prove anything. you can go anywhere & still be yourself. anyway, i've travelled loads when i was younger. hehe okay as you can see, it sounds like quite alot of excuses. i guess i do want to travel very much cos i really love travelling & now i'm older & more pro at actually booking the places myself etc. but on the other hand when you bring honour & consideration into it then i think that trumps everything else. as it always does yes?

i think the most important lesson out of all this is: how to find the happinesses in life. how to be a pollyanna at all times. and finally, that this is what it is. & that no matter what, this was meant to be. i always knew i had to pay something for all that i wanted cos it was so impossible that i'd ever get it. even though i said so many times i was silly for telling God i'd do anything for medicine, i still told him that if he granted this one wish i'd do anything. HAHA. so many continuous requests yo. so yeah, life just IS, make the best of it :):)


3 more days of AL! a much needed break cant decide if i shld just sleep. or do research. or study ecg. omg how how or do the mountain o...