Monday, February 28, 2011

I don't know where the end is but hey

sunflowerseed cookies are the best things in the world. anyway its all very ironic cos i havent really seen the sun for awhile... unless taeyang's counted...

entertaining a real delusion made me realise that things in daily life can be delusions too. its so hard to see coz they're part of the fabric of each day

the mv for bigbang's song tonight finally came out :):)

Friday, February 25, 2011

i'm scared that these stars will hurt me

improvement, however miniscule :)

its difficult to write essays cos u don't really know what they want/ SIMPLY CANNOT REMEMBER ENOUGH STUFF.

considering i couldnt remember anything but the simplest stuff about steroids/ GTN DESPITE STUDYING WTF. AND i screwed up the big liver qn, yeah.

- aim to study better - cover the small stuff (workin' on it! doing general pharm now. puke. you cant make this stuff up that's fo sure)

Tonight - Big Bang

this has made my days & nights (esp since my sleep cycle has gone to one of sleep at 4am wake up at 12 noon....) THAT much better.

my fav line is taeyang's
I look for you, oh-eh-oh, below that moonlight that lights me up
I look for you oh-eh-oh-oh-oh I don't know where the end is but hey

Not just the lyrics (which are beautiful), but the wu-eh-oh bit is reallly pretty when sung too. Thank you bigbang!! First time I ever wanted to buy the album on itunes just to support them rather than youtubing it. The funniest thing is how g-dragon etc who are really playas are all singing playa stuff while Taeyang who hasn't had a girlfriend ever (despite being possibly the most handsome guy in the whole universe) is all like, I'm looking for you under the moonlight, I'm alone once again pitifully! Awww. I'll be yours if you like Taeyang!!

Tonight such a beautiful night sing with me now 2011 follow me

Big Bang Big Bang we're back again one more time say
No way no way we become a strangers again so easily
Big Bang Big Bang don't stop let's play
Ok ok go go go

I think I'm going to go crazy, I'm probably getting tired (why)
Nah, I think I'm just fed up, I'm already bored, you're dull
I'm a bad boy that can't be satisfied with one girl, but I'm nice
I'm not falling for you because I can't stand it, let me blow ya mind

When did we start, start losing the spark between us
We're like a drained cola that's lost its fizz
The first feeling of going numb, glancing at each other sideways
I'm not hanging myself over such a love, don't wanna try no more

I look for you, oh-eh-oh, below that moonlight that lights me up
I look for you oh-eh-oh-oh-oh I don't know where the end is but hey

Tonight tonight tonight tonight
I still don't understand love, pitifully alone once again, tonight

I'm scared that these stars will hurt me (so what so what)
I miss the moment when I first met you (no more no more)
Bad when it comes to pain like that, I try to avoid it
But You know that I love you girl girl girl

My personality to drag it out, say no, with cold lips, I-I-I freeze you

Take ma soul take ma heart back a new excitement, get that
Love is not for me, don't think too much it's simple

I look for you, oh-eh-oh, below that moonlight that lights me up
I look for you oh-eh-oh-oh-oh I don't know where the end is but hey
Tonight tonight tonight tonight
I still don't understand love, pitifully alone once again, tonight

Taeyang & Daesung.
The sad meaning behind the words "good bye" become covered by the dark shadows
My memories look towards you, who I have forgotten in my heart

I look for you, oh-eh-oh, below that moonlight that lights me up (below that moonlight)
I look for you oh-eh-oh-oh-oh (Oh you, oh baby) I don't know where the end is but hey (I don't know where it is)
Tonight tonight tonight tonight
I still don't understand love (Don't understand love, I), pitifully alone once again, tonight

I look for you, oh-eh-oh (tonight), below that moonlight that lights me up (such a beautiful night)
I look for you oh-eh-oh-oh-oh I don't know where the end is but (good night)


just had to say this: maybe God really knows what he's doing after all!!
WAHAHAHA this is hilarious.

the philosophical part:
faith is really difficult i got to say.
how to believe when you dont see?
but that is the POINT, the very DEFINITION of faith.

wont it look stupid if things go wrong & i believe. people will ask: what is it you are believing IN? yet, i have a strikingly strong belief in myself. even if everything goes off, actually, especially if it does, i turn to my internal self and believe as strongly as i can. something like clap your hands if you believe in faeries. LOL. because i know that if i dont believe in myself when i feel weakest, stupidest, like things are going out of control, then there is NO WAY i can ever fix it. so think of me what you will, but i have my determination & my willpower & ME and I WILL FIX IT.

so maybe it isnt so silly to focus that belief in higher regions after all. keep the internal strength, yes, but also wish as hard as possible. i dunno. i sorta stopped that after awhile coz it hurt too much. i think ivy mentioned this in bible study before. that sometimes you dont want to ask, coz u dont want him not to give it after you ask him! hmmm. i suppose the act of asking ensures tt that you get is really meant to be. if you dont ask, and you get it, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. who gave it to you!

if you go down on your knees and pray like you're trying to stop the world from stopping, and you don't get it. then sure it hurts like hell & you start to disbelieve in heaven, at least, not when you're going thru hell on earth. but then at least you know it really wasnt meant to be right? that what you ARE going through is what is really meant to be. (for the moment at least.)

this is not perfect theology HAHA im sure. but at least. there's happiness in knowing every moment is truly as God meant it to be. coz that IS what im working towards in life :):)

also, unrelatedly, i'm going to try something that REALLY terrifies me. i dont think i have been ever upset/ alone, since the pre-confirmation period. so i both want to remedy that for whoever might be, right now, and sorta for my past self. but the truth is im still terrified. since im clearly able to talk to people and have them actually like to hang out with me, i think i should give it another try. met s on the bus, and i literally had an epiphany at that moment. GO FOR IT!!!! signs were popping up all over the place. everything just aligned perfectly and i will, after pros, help out. still scared but will pray. only thing is d has a falling out with them and i was on the bus with him to holland v at the time HAHAHAH so when they saw us getting off tog and walking to starbucks i think they were abit ".........." its quite funny actually. but i think i can help to resolve this *hopefully* and -not- get d upset with me too? lol. more things to pray for. so PROS QUICKLY ENDD!!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

april is NOT the cruelest month

note: this is the minimum, ie dont skip the impt stuff
let's hope i actually keep to it!! :)


"more than all i want
more than all i need
You are more than enough for me"
Enough, Chris Tomlin

case 3 of neuroscience cases goes: "talking gibberish for past 2 days"
oh no. maybe my wernicke's area has a problem too ;p hehe that would be apt - things go in, but you can't understand them. oh well. life is just difficult to make sense of sometimes.

even though right now there are things i feel confused & frustrated about, i also feel a sense of peace & contentment. i know it sounds like it contradicts but it's like measuring hormones which have a circadian rhythm/ go in cycles throughout the day. what i would like to record is the rare moments of maturity, rather than the childish spurts of annoyance.

honestly. right this moment, listening to these songs & feeling the presence of God in my life more than usual, struggling through neuro (which is tough but a joy). i am happy

"here am i, all of me
take my life, it's all for Thee
take my heart it is thy own
it shall be thy royal throne
take my love, my Lord I pour
at your feet its treasure store"

this is enough, you know? i am really tired of all the thinking. just do. just live in the moment. i dont think i will blog for awhile, and generally internet hiatus heh. maybe some jiayou posts before the exam. but TOO MUCH TIME on the internet. it doesnt necessarily make me -happier- either. keep looking for something i dont know what it is, but i highly doubt ill find it on the internet. for social purposes i can, youknow, arrange to meet up with friends to study, in PERSON heh.

i guess i have never really been very mature. and i made alot of what would be considered - "stupid decisions". but i also know that someone out there is watching out for me. i think much of what was considered 'silly' actually was for a good reason, or He turned it for good. although there definitely are silly things that were just silly. hahahaha.

Thank you God, for always being enough. For being there when no-one else is there. for understanding what no-one else is willing to understand. You see my tears when I cry and send angels to help me. You send people to pat me on the shoulder, you send people to brighten up all my days. But whether there are people or not, You are there, and constant. And I think that that is more important than anything else. Humans must learn to survive alone, and be independant, but never without their God.


today is a niceday! it's 1pm, i just woke up, the sun is shining& the airconditioner is on :)

ive ponned the revision lectures for today, meaning that they'll be AWESOME, by the law of the universe. but i just can't drag myself through the grind anymoreee. so i guess, today is a self declared break from school!

neuroscience cases, and FINALLY understanding all the general pharmacology everyone keeps banging on about. & adverse drug reactions. i'm actually excited about the day. :)

I've learned to love the pain/
Cause that's the only way that I know how to feel

listening to - iu - someday/ boys like girls - thunder


studying has been pretty bad lately. emo nemo but i think if i was magically studying on cloud nine i woulda be a happy bunny

on a brighter note i should be finishing neuro/geri 1st pass soon. the only problem is i was supposed to have finished it last friday. and there's ca1 & 2 stuff, ca1 stuff being the most mammoth of all. and neuro past yr qns to start tackling. and this white noise going on in my head.... to be fair the white noise is entirely my fault not anyone else's. the thoughts today's !! scattered werent of muchgood honestly.

one of my fav songs - switchfoot's on fire
They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know - sounds like studying for pros hahah
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

don't leave (dream high)

was more distracted than i thought with the RETURN OF THE DRAMA
there was a BIG BANG, lots of THEORIES, GRAY areas and neuroANATOMY.
maybe not glee. will someone please pass me some glee. in dvd, or iv form either is good...

well i learnt that God really doesnt give up on any lost sheep. thats good to know isnt it?
and at the end of it all, e patted my shoulder and told me "dont worry you're still a nice person" HAHAHAHA thanks for the affirmation ahh

watched my princess, feel less scattered etc now
maybe i shouldnt have written the fb note about memories. its MUCH BETTER to live in happy/unhappy memories than to have drama now. methinks. lol

Friday, February 18, 2011

lights go on again

on a happy note, new music that has been making my life awesome reccently:
seungri's vvip/ what can i do
iu's good day/ alica ost/ this is awkward/ cruel fairytale/ story only i didnt know
5dolls's your words/ trickle (these two REALLY sound like abba songs!! in fact in one they actually sing HEY MAMMA MIA lol)
clazziquai's she is

the dream high ost is ten kinds of awesome too
- someday by IU
- don't leave by junsu/ j lim (this was okay, until i read the lyrics in english. WOW)

hehe i realise i'm quite the unadulterated fangirl these days. liberating yo!

ONE MONTH to the awesome awesome cake i will make~ with fondant and all. car? boat? iphone? LOL the possibilities are endless but the talent falls short. but lollll even that seems like an easier proposition

and tonight i will sleep before 1am! life is generally better when you dont feel like shit just waking up in the mornings!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

just sent in the camp simba form! please let it go well.

it's like mac ritchie runs all over again. the pack starts out crazy fast. i dont want to be left behind. monkeys swarm around us. i fight like mad to stay in the pack or i'll be mauled. never has there been such a life and death scenario, just hinging on my ability to run as fast as national team runners.

what can't i do for medicine? just coz you've gone a long way, done alot for something, doesnt mean you give up more easily when you feel exhausted. on the contrary, it just means you try harder. every exam is a longer distance to run, but the body adapts. will try not to rant (until 2 weeks before), but will also try & reset my mindset. just to be grateful for the chance to take this exam at all, & to try and enjoy it, no matter how hard it may sometimes be.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Alice: Sometimes I believe as many as six different things before breakfast
Hatter: That is an excellent plan. However, just for now, you may want to focus on the Jabberwocky.

it's murky underwater. there is so much interference in the radio waves. i keep running to colorful things on screens so i dont have to think about life. i don't know what to DO with my future. remember how when i said it isnt that great i miss my friends a lot you said how come i dont miss you - well, i hadn't known you long enough - but now i realise that although i still dont - i will miss you very much.

there are lots of things i can choose to believe, or not to believe. when i strenously disbelieve everyone and everything, it gets tiring. but it isn't that great either, believing. all i can do is just focus on slaying the jabberwocky of pros.

one month, in comparison to what transpired to come to this day, seems so paltry. like running 2.4 compared to a marathon.the cg photo & class photo makes me happyyyy. h & i are making a heart with our hands heh & behind us, r & ch are making a big heart awww so cute! 2 of the most big-hearted people i know too! hehe.

also. post breakfast cereal + cranberries is possibly the happiest thing on earthh
and there are alot of baked goods in the house atm also. good thing i'm setting off on the marathon of my life then eh ;p

Monday, February 14, 2011

the good
- surprise teacher @ hiphop class today (as the usual one was off celebrating vday) was VERY GOOD (and complimented my dancing!!) and choreographed the routine to Hoot by Girls Generation (one of my favs). seriously i couldnt stop smiling the entire time. it was the very fabric of joy.

- the school is filledddd with flowers & balloons (and i had some of my own to cart back too!)
- i really really love gerald koh. he gives the most amazing lectures!! it wasnt even on a particularly interesting topic but he managed to make it so fantastic. and ended off the module/ semester/ YEAR TWO really with a rendition of a poem, earning thunderous applause. love the guy. altho, sober poem much?! and the ages are all wrong for this century lol.
- also i know its not going anywhere but at least it isnt putrefying, it could be worse...

the bad
- well not bad, as i HAD wanted to have a final lunch with my friends before official lectures for the year end. but i certainly didnt want to hang around for an extra 1.5 hours after lectures waiting for medical instruments that i COMPLETELY FORGOT i couldnt actually collect since i ordered them under my cg leader's name -_-

the ugly
- spending ANY day with chronic sleep debt, guilt, and not having a single original thought in my head
- making milo & finding out the water isnt hot
- webcasting. nuff said.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

just came back from what can only be described as a swingin' & happening party! and webcasting cns drugs -_-

we were in canteen gossiping and decided to skip the radio lecture, and inadvertently missed the first part of cns drugs, i am slightly ashamed to say heh. really stupid choice since now i have to webcast at funny hours.

it's really difficult sometimes to figure out what is so many coincidences that it is no longer a coincidence, and coincidence. maybe the radio interference just means, that i am not supposed to go through with what i am trying to do. as most of my friends will know, for some reason, i've really wanted to do paeds. and i keep thinking paeds/ neuro/ peds neuro, etc. i DON'T. KNOW. WHY. but for some reason, i keep getting thwarted in my attempt to pursue paeds projects.

anyway, equally oddly, c asked me to email the neuro lecturer to sort out revision lectures, since i'm the epidemiology rep and the classcomm decided we dont need revision lectures for eph. and i needed the guy's email, and c emailed me the link to the guy's staff profile, asking me to check it out. i did, and *fireworks*. neurology is really a beautiful, wonderful, and mysterious thing. i could really do this. also, paeds is so notoriously hard to get into that i DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I BOTHER CHOOSING. but anyway. that aside i want to choose based on what i want inherently, not the difficulty involved. because i've come so far, in pursuit of this endpoint, that i want it to be PERFECT, & absolutely justify the means.

think that even though, the catholic viewpoint is that suffering in this world is ok, and must be embraced, accepted even, one must not PURPOSELY make one suffer. penance and fasting etc aside, which more religious people than me pursue, i think that shit is going to happen ANYWAY. purposely doing something that you know is notgood is actually not loving yourself & is definitely not what God would want. i'm not saying engage in hedonism, but dont mud-sling yourself or purposely make yourself dehydrate out in the sun for ten hours, i guess? so that reconciles the whole things-iwant-so-ican-be-happy & suffering makes me a good catholic thingy i guess.

but i DO have a tendancy to appreciate pretty things, like the faaantastic decor and atmosphere at the party earlier on this evening. heh. well if it gives life meaning: why not! i think it is part of the beauty in creation to some extent, and must be duly appreciated. pretty shoes & bags too =p that said, i have NOT forgotten why i am in medicine in the first place & all my promises to do charity etc. ok. i guess i havent fully reconciled the idea of materialism & religion yet. i doubt i ever will. guh.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

firework - katy perry

today is all about delirium

we keep learning it in geriatrics & the associated pbps. keep meeting people laughing doing weird stuff. having really bad time of the month cramps, so much so that i can barely think straight.

weird things kept happening today. im not really sure what was coming out of my mouth either. 101 things happened before mass, that it was practically a miracle we managed to do it all. but we did it though! the sermon today was really good. about suffering & how true happiness is being able to embrace your crosses. in a way, that is SO true. things are never gonna be perfect so the only way to be happy 24/7 is not just to be happy when you feel like it, but all the time, even if things seem like a burden. wisewords indeed. quite a distinctively catholic sermon as well, haha. you'd never hear something like that in a protestant church...

that said, stomach cramps and all aside, i really had fun today. from the lunch with the guys, first in a long while, to the nicole-edmund tussle over whether they should go holland v to buy a plug for the keyboard (part 1 of pre-mass misfortune) or watch korean dramas/ play badminton hahaha you had to be there it was ultra funny! to them buying the WRONG PLUGand our juniors having to go to holland v AGAIN.

to nicole and clement getting lost when following me to the dungeons to us standing outside the lt with all the paraphenalia underneath this like 20cmx20cm shelter when there was NO ONE INSIDE THE LT. and shifting everything in the rain, poor sandesh who had to circle yih >5 times & zhaoed halfway before mass to charge her phone?!! and do random stuff LOL the juniors really are too cute. oh the priest randomly 'testing' us on medical terminology in the middle of his sermon! christen having to answer the meanings AND possible complications of aneurysms ;p

ohoh it was nice talking to jeremiah with whom i cleared up some issues i had. he really made me see it in a different light, and it does tie in with the whole theme of the day about how even something is difficult it can be for good, and its decent of him not to judge me which is pretty easy to do in that case, like he really understood what i was talking about but showed me the other side, which i needed. & i guess i just needed to tell someone to absolve myself and yea i hope he's right and it'll turn out for good.

i will not sleep until i finish cns pathology!! (sigh)
"baby you're a firework
come on show them what you're worth
make them go oh-oh-oh
as you shoot across the sky
baby you're a firework
come on let your colors burst"

Friday, February 11, 2011

everytime, at night, i look at pictures that never fail to make me ><

not cos i regret, or am not strong enough to move on. what evokes the emotion is that:

we all look so young, so innocent, so happy.
we all look like we have no cares in the world
no exams, no work, no pbls (this is HIGHLY untrue btw. i think i spent most of my life doing pbls and ssc)

sometimes things just totally stumble me
e.g watching videos of narcoleptic dogs with cataplexy this morning. it was quite hilarious admittedly, but my brain definitely winced

however, in the spirit of treasuring what u have when u actually have it:
as we get closer to third year, i feel happier everyday at the prospect :)

maybe it's enlightenment coming to me? endorphins from continued running? being productive? sweet friends, funny jokes, arm-linking, girly gossip, cell groups, the reading i will do tomorrow, you sitting randomly beside me and making me smile? all these = YES. but the real answer is: one year ago from that date, I was facing a mountain that refused to go away, and I cried out to God to please remove it so I didnt have to face it. Because I was too tired to keep on trying to climb it, but falling down each time, painfully. And suddenly, I found that He had picked me up and put me at the top of the mountain.

like nat said, even the most boring geriatrics lecture takes on a new meaning if you remember how hard it is to get to that place. even for me, that lecture WAS pretty boring. but for procedural skills week? that will be the most awe-inspiring week ever. endowed with import, sunlight, rainbows, every thing perfect conceivable.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


rides the waves
with unbridled glee.
burst bubbles
pirate ships
and imaginary castles
previously in the air
gallops across the plains
and what is also
not so plain
is it too
with the past
or does it
have a short-term
memory, seeing
each coral reef
for the first time
and not knowing
that it is notahorse


swimming in oceans of uncertainty
lighting up when
you feel blue
having a whale of a time
except for days
you feel crabby
absolutely no backbone
but way
too much

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

On a slightly cold dawn where the darkness had lifted
And the faint lights were turning off one by one

from tvxq's confession. such pretty imagery!

had banmian at nuh today, with most of the combined cg, under a sunlight (??) of some sort which made it seriously crazily unbearable swelteringly hot

its always been my dream to don clinical wear & go for tutorials in tower block :)

the taping up your fingers and specs and trying to sort ten colors of pills into a pillbox was educational indeed i must say. although i am not really interested in geriatrics and was not hyped up or anything about the module, its really turning out to be a pleasant surprise. i think geriatricians are reaaally needed so they want to impress upon us the imptce of it & try and get people to specialize in it. haha. nevertheless, the lecturers are all extremely engaging etc, more so than usual and theres even a set of notes summarized & printed for us... wow... how kind. why cant they do that for neuro tooo =( anyway im currently about 10 lectures behind my OWN pros studying schedule. thats what happens when you have to do 5 lectures a day

never fear though, bending time & space is my speciality.

during the dementia lecture today, the lecturer was talking about how the memories make up one's personhood. there was a slide with a woman's picture & jpgs of random stuff representing her life - like yearbook photos/ her interests etc. and bit by bit they were all erased until it was a blank space. its nothing we didn't know before clearly, but still, the message was poignant i'd say.

kicked off the mugging with the lecture called how do we remember - lets hope that strategical ploy worked ;p

Monday, February 7, 2011

the past few days have been such a great holiday, in every sense of the word. absolutely no cares or worries and such. now its back to the real world. i dont wanna start studying. i dont wanna get caught up in peoples lives again..... there was a time when i felt like all these people's lives have been going on without me & i wanted to be a part of it but honestly right now, i just dont want to be involved in all this stuff that has clearly been going on for a loong time....guh. anyways. its not really my business, so yep.

also my itunes went ballistic on me last night -_- thanks, itunes.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

What Can I Do - Seungri :)

moments where everything makes perfect sense & yet is so ridiculously hard to do.

figured out that all along ive just been trying to protect myself from getting hurt by people & sometimes it transpires that you are right to do so coz you mean absolutely nothing to them & sometimes you happen to have meant something. and its too late to do anything. and how is one supposed to know again when is which? but most importantly - I WASNT WRONG. yes that's what stupid pride will do to you lol, clearly both ways i lose. -_-

also - did yoga (jade's vinyasa) for first time in a looong time. wow the muscular? ache is really quite scary i'd totally forgotten what it was like. i was wondering what did i do to make my hips hurt so much. guhhh 101 variations on pigeon pose will do that to you. it felt really nice at the time thoughhhh

the interesting thing about life is when you think about it all the holes start appearing and you see all the things wrong about it. but when you just give up and LIVE IT then you realize there are so many lovely things about it.

ps: i found the song we did in jazz! mike posner's cooler than me. its curiously addictive!
sat - street jazz & my name is kim sam soon marathon :)

i love love love street jazz! sometimes when i'm halfway through it it makes me think like EVERYTHING is so completely worthwhile just to be able to do this. what will i do when the guy retires?!! although of course im completely unco-ordinated etcetc. but still.

mnikss - frothy, frivolous, fun. it's like the cherry on top of an ice-cream, the icing on top of the cake. also the fooood shots (she's a pastry chef) are amazing. its basically like a korean bridget jones, altho its slightly depresssing that she's meant to be chubby when she isnttt, nevertheless let's face it, hyun bin is ten sorts of awesome and so FREE with his emotions (ranging from chasing her all around town quite cutely because he wants her to be his pastry chef - a welcome change from the usual kdrama chasing the girl all around cos of the mad addiction to her - but seriously i think he must feel SOMETHING, surely he can get ANY pastry chef for his restaurant? to really black-cloud grouchy to glass photoframe punching to appearing with flowers in front of the entire restaurant. aww! ok, it's to fool his mother into thinking they're together. but it's still cute! esp coz it's hyun bin!! can you imagine kim hyun joon doing it? guh). so anyway its cool that she's like bridget jones, which no doubt makes the show more easily identifiable with to most people (it reached 50% ratings in korea, while playful kiss, kim hyun joong's most reccent drama, was like 1.5% by the end) BUT i think the chemistry between them and HB's 101 expressions would have made it awesome in any case. her outrageous behavior like giving random bus-drivers/ anyone tirades is hilarious though. and good advice. yes. must be demure! haha.

also i have learnt a new word in korean - haengbok. it means happiness

strangely enough, the road ahead is always so hazy, but from time to time things just pop up randomly and show me how perfect everything was in the past. even times notsolong ago i thought were beyond redemption. so many times i remember just sitting there and wondering what the heck i am doing, and WHY and I DONT UNDERSTAND!! well, i do now lots of it. lots i still don't, though.

on a random note i really crave big bang theory/ himym/ glee. AAARGH.

yes. should probably actually meet human beings rather than watch tv. my horoscope in today's Life actually said "today is a good time to make new resolutions like... less screen time.." HAHAHA true true. but school continues tomorrow, with the extremely odd timetable. sooo yeah.

notes to self
1. please call rbs and sort out the stuff. (zz)
2. please decide on your future and your 2nd 2nd year vacation project -_-
3. please stop time from dissappearing into black holes/ the bermuda triangle and clear time & space to bake to make yourself sane & everyone happy
4. please start mugging so you wont have to post lots of blogs to guilttrip/ peptalk yourself (this wont work. i'll get stressed up anyway. HAHA. thats the only way)

Friday, February 4, 2011

happy cny guys!
ive spent the past two days first in a whirl of packing, cleaning, dusting, then... bumming around and inhaling cny food. seriously guh. there was actually a time yesterday where we all sat down to eat cny cookies LOL. but, am planning a run if it doesnt rain later, so it shouldnt be THAT bad

i feel reaally accomplished though, and even though all the dusting was in places that we dont usually see (eg random shelves, the piano), the whole place just feels newer and cleaner somehow. guess there IS a good side to all that frentic cleaning.

also, i dont feel anything anymore, which is always a good thing yeah
plusplus i found old flower-notes? well, dedication-things written on paper shaped like flowers by manyun,nandita, bernice, wanling :):) they were all sugar-sweet & heart-warming, etc. OH and sam ang too. and her last line was "lets both work hard & see each other in nus med!" heh. (ps: does sam ang need to work hard?!! no lorrr) but anyway that cheered me up immensely somehow. cos like YAY indeed we did! ok, idont see her THAAT often but i've definitely seen her around.

it seems like life is a string of neverending holidays. WHICH IS GOOD.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

ode to an ironing board

my post-ca treat was splurging on books! yeah, okay, i've had rather a lot of post-ca treats. it was reaally traumatising!!

surprisingly, having been more of a browser/ library addict for years now, having to spend money on an actual book was quite stressful for me. armed with a $20 voucher, i put it off until one day before it was due to expire. cue: EVEN MORE STRESS. especially since the part of my brain that deals with literary things, artistic endeavours and the beauty of the written word has looong atrophied. all i can do is memorize drug names and side effects. and not particularly well at that! nevertheless, it was pretty enjoyable selecting things at borders.

i initially wanted something really arty and pretentious, just -because-. but i soon discovered that those things didnt really appeal to me, or were about dodgy topics, or just not something -happy-. i believe that a reaally good book must leave you feeling either really happy or sad; must change you in some tangible way. for instance - may once lent me mark haddon's the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. that was AMAZING. maybe not high literature like ayn rand, but pretty good i'd say! (it won the whitbread prize too!). considered ayn rand's atlas shrugged, but ehh. im sure its excellent, just didnt appeal to me at that particular moment. faulkner, kerouac etc is good im sure, but need to check it out more before i actually commit to buying. did think of the battle hymn of the tiger mother book, but couldnt find it in borders?!

i guess the problem is that i purchase books so rarely that it was really hard to choose. but hey, what's so bad about feeling like a kid in a candy store?

nearly got poetry - robert frost, pablo neruda, walt whitman, ie old favourites! buT in the end- got an agatha christie miss marple ommnibus thingy. it was GREAT. spent the weekend happily occupied in that :)

r's bday deserves a mention too i believe. it was at this v nice buffet restaurant, with oysters, the most fantastic salad bar eveR, cheeses, sushi, and crazy dessert selection! i most liked the tiramisu with the mini macaroon on top i think :) and the day before, had chocolate fondue/ tarts etc at post medlaw debate recception. guhh need to run more!! haha besides that, was nice company. AND. I GOT TO WEAR MY THIGH-HIGH BOOTS! which the guys duly noted, thanks guys, hahaha. made the walking, or shall i say struggling to, mildly worthwhile haha. and i just love wearing those boots, but rarely get to. it was pretty cool overall, something id have loved to have done for my 21st - gather all my friends together, but a) dont really have the guts to and b) was unable to logistically c) did not have that many friends at the time anyway in the country LOL.

one funny moment was when c mentioned he hadn't seen r's brother yet. unfortunately for him, he'd been SITTING NEXT to the dude ;p also watching the guys... make maximum use of the buffet r paid for ;p


3 more days of AL! a much needed break cant decide if i shld just sleep. or do research. or study ecg. omg how how or do the mountain o...