Sunday, October 31, 2010

things that never fail to make me happy
1. looking at cupcake blogs. Kuidaore isn't just a cakecake blog (that would be Cupcakes Take the Cake etc etc) but OMG looking at it makes one feel like life is worth living. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to actually eat these things. They're just sooo pretty *melts*... Plus this person actually conducts cooking classes, at holland v no less! BuT it's reaally ex =( Well one can always wish. Like maybe if i get on deans list i have some leverage (hohoho ya right)

2. home cooked fish curry :):) heck diets eh

3. making new friendss or just having people be genuinely nice. on friday - i think it was friday that is,losing track of time and dates these days LOL. there was no space outside the lt so i joined this girl at her bench - turns out she knew me, but i didn't - ooops heh. she was like "but i'm in your tutorial group!" yeah well pharmaco tutorials are usually spent hoping i don't get called on cos i really dont get pharmacokinetics and pharmacodynamics. AT ALL. andd then another guy joined us (turns out he knows my junior alex loh! not that ive ever spoken to alex but i know of his existence) and he was v friendly. yeah guess there's something bonding about the monstrosity of microb. although some might say that having an epic night out is a preferable way of bonding, i guess i wouldnt have the experience of that anw so i'm lucky ? haha

4. kpop! 'nuff said
5. this jap drama i chanced upon when really really bored of genetics shiz called nodame cantabile. it makes the heart happy :) i think even if there was no eye candy it would. it's just so PERFECT. runaway, rain's drama doesn't make me happy per se, it's just like crack la. after even one ep of this one it's like... squeeee rainbow cotton candy~

ok enough i have to revise the whole of viruses tonight to discuss with trishaa on mon! whyohwhy did i spend today sleeping and trying to make myself run? I DONT KNOW. oh, maybe cos i feel sleepy and unfit. grahhh

Friday, October 29, 2010

i think the unifying theme of the past few days has been BALANCE.

you really can't have your cake and eat it. but i doont SEE any way out.

this morning i made it to school EARLY at 8am hoping to join the varsity christian fellowship worship... well, today's the one day they dont have worship -_- nevertheless, i got a packet of coffee + a bible verse ;p heh. and my og did a bday celeb for the october people! looking at the birthday card, i am happy to say that i know MOST of the people who wrote in it, hahah.

also i have done a GOOD JOB at catching up. unfortunately i dont remember everything and certainly can't regurgitate things out in essay form. but hey, it could be faar worse. i like the fact that nat's so unapologetically on about mugging, as opposed to people who breathe down your neck going "stop being so mugger" etc... i mean ok, if you dont want to no one's forcing youu... it's actually really encouraging and motivating to have him acknowledge the xiong-ness of nus and how when i said that i'm trying but i dont know if i'm doing enough he answered "it's never enough". WHOA. such drive, yo.

but i'm really excited for hols :) IT'S COMING.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

'what do you want to do with your one wild and precious life?'

i know now :)

run paeds genetics clinics one day. 100%

mary olivier quotes
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields...Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."

"Ten times a day something happens to me like this - some strengthening throb of amazement - some good sweet empathic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness."

"You can have the other words-chance, luck, coincidence, serendipity. I'll take grace. I don't know what it is exactly, but I'll take it. "

"Still, what I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled---to cast aside the weight of facts and maybe even to float a little above this difficult world. "

"Far off in the red mangroves an alligator has heaved himself onto a hummock of grass and lies there, studying his poems." SO CUTE!!

"My work is the world. Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird - equal seekers of sweetness. Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums..."

"Every day I see or hear something that more or less kills me with delight, that leaves me like a needle in the haystack of light. "

across the universe

if i do one subject a day i might actually pass this. but errmm, there iS SO MUCH for each subject!! how to finish immuno in 24 hrs?! i'd have to stop breathing, sleeping, eating, laughing, crying, writing poetry... okay finee i'm sure not all of that is essential to life especially the last three... and unless i have an inborn error of metabolism i technically can go a few days without eating ;p

happy things in dec hols
2. nic coming back + her 22ndth!! ohh the possibilities are endlessly exciting. hee.
3. standard chartered marathon!!
4. can bake guilt freeee
5. my poetry will be published by then!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

long have i waited for/ your coming home to me

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
Here I am, Lord

Come back to me with all your heart
Don’t let fear keep us apart
Trees do bend though straight and tall
So must we to others call

Long have I waited for
Your coming home to me
And living deeply our new life

The wilderness will lead you
To the place where I will speak
Integrity and justice
With tenderness
You shall know.
21st. LOL i still feel like i'm in kindergarten

i resolve to
1. be a happier person
2. run more
3. be on the deans list... no deans dinner... no, well, just to pass respectably, and so that my deans dinner cg mate will not be too ashamed to be in my cg... hahaha
4. to bake cinnamon rolls, for REAL, one day
5. to always be able to see the happy things in life
6. to be a better poet, and publish a book one day (HAHA. dream onnn)
7. to find my direction in life, and where i want to specialize in, and make that dream come true.
8. to never let anyone down again (at least not in this year. one step at a time!)
9. be a better catholic (read, wake up in time for 810am rosary)
10. to be a better daughter
11. to stop whining about things
12. to stop needing people to comfort and counsel me, but to be a good comforter and counsellor
13. to love more people platonically, and to guard my heart better14. to become a person i can be proud of, and be able to live with myself and my decisions (i think i am, right now :D)
14. to do more cool stuff, HAHA
15. to always be positive and fun to be around (as opposed to being a sucking black hole of doom)
16. to never stop writing poetry during lecturers
17. to stop buying banana balls in school!!!!!!
18. to make the world a better place.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

come home running, just as you are

happy things
1. the cake and bear
2. the lecturer explaining the ins and outs of hepatitis after the lecture. it was actually really illuminating and something i was genuinely curious about
3. the catholic medical society people (whom i really hardly know) singing happy birthday to me when i only came back into the lt to get the bear which i left behind.ithink that was really sweet of them becos i dont deserve such niceness from them really with my errr great commitment to the society, NOT
4. getting picked up everyday from lt 29 :):) this is irreplaceable. you cant get this anywhere else in the world. i love these one of a kind things.
5. the cats lying all over nus, snoozing away, getting pissed if people step on their tails. (im assuming, i dont think anyone really dares to)
6. the funny lecturers who love to put really irrelevant cartoons on their slides to keep us awake.
7. the guys, who are hands down the funniest people i've EVER met
8. the seniors notes which make me feel very secure hahaha. the aunty who told me i could pay her the 14 bucks another day if i didnt have enough money (so trusting!?)
9. the girls. all of them. what can i say, bff is bff and i hope it stays that way aalways. nic and i had a particularly nice convo yesterday, and michelle is absolute love.
10. kpop, and RAIN. his song titles are quite amusing too "it's raining" "how to avoid the sun"
11. my laptop is fixed! wonder what anti-virals they used ;p
12. also apparently, if ravi can apparate, he'll get many girlfriends. HAHAHA. isuppose it must be an impressive feat huh. the guys have the most amazing selective hearing probs ;p

"Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come
home running,
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus, he understands
He is the answer you're looking for."
- Chris Tomlin

please let everything be okay, forever and ever

Friday, October 22, 2010

hehe today was a really good day!! friends making me feel loved, lots of excitement (LOLOL), rather productive study, RUNNING, and caught up with colin on msn. he's really an interesting dude i have to say, but definitely extremely sweet.

guh, its 1am now. i give up on hepatitis viruses, good night world.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

had great company today for mugging at the music lib and later for the adolescent health talk. paeds and psych made for an inspiring finish to a rather long day of anti bacterial pharmaco stuff. i'm glad i went ;)

people kept asking h and p and me where the concert halls were and things. lol, do we look particularly like musically talented people? also half of the people studying there were our batchmates. it's a really pretty place. i took a break to eat an apple and sat outside on a wooden-bench thing. green foliage and glass and concrete and the fog. it was a nice day, it really was:)

lab was particularly illuminating, we get to see malaria up close and stuff. it's quite cute, the ring forms make it look like the RBC are wearing headphones. sometimes two headphones in one cell!

oh during lunch my bag was on the floor, and c & r walking past were like "she likes it on the floor" HAHAHA. guys!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

everything is for good

the words which i so carelessly threw around "things will get better", etc, actually did come true.

i think one year ago alot of us were stuck in massive ruts. going in circles, we couldn't do anything. now we have a magical, golden chance to make everything better. don't give up, hope is really around the corner. i was right, i was right.

i just wish that i could go back in time & comfort myself, looking at the falling darkness out upon the rooftops at this time a year ago. tell myself my wildest dream WOULD come true, that the cycle of things CAN be changed. and in wishing that - somehow everything becomes better.

it just seems so perfect somehow.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

malassezia furfur is sucha cute name. but it causes a notsocute diease called tinea versicolor - white patches all over the skin. the alternative name is pityriasis, which is rather more apt than furfur.


i'm sitting in the same seat in the library computer room i always sit in, but the things i feel are nearly a 180degree change. i don't worry any longer about finding a place in the world, i don't feel frustrated at studying the same things over again (we've gone so much further off track that i feel i'm now exploring mars). The other day I told hanyu "I think I might actually fail" "No la you won't!" me *dangling the set of notes on parasitology* "eR, looking at this, actually YEAH i might..." And I hadn't even so much as looked at it yet. Eurgh. Strangely enough, the feeling of inadequacy and needing to conquer information is... empowering. I have found solid ground :) I also have only three weeks until my first exam. I feel horror and stress, but it's something I'm USED to, yknow? I like this feeling in an odd way.

So I think, what I have to do is different now. I no longer have this big barrier between me and making a difference in the world, I don't have to worry so much about my obligations, cos I HAVE NONE LEFT. It's SUCH a relief you have no idea. I need to start doing things to Give Back. And I will.

after i finish mugging coccidioidomycosis. zzzzzz

Saturday, October 16, 2010

im so glad for the location of the empty seat in the lt!

one of the hundred innenduoes that we hear everyday:

me: *referring to bacteria tables* is it that every column is an organism, and there are just a lot of organisms?
c: did you just say that every column is an orgasm!?!!

for the record: NO OF COURSE NOT haha

life may get complicated sometimes but i definitely dont feel alone these days. esp with lotss of girltalk.

and for michelle yeo, i am 100x grateful. for being able to say everything and knowing i have someone thinking logically on my behalf, is invaluable.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

having a really productive session in the lib - NOT.

I think the way forward is not to let anything affect one. there simply isnt any time to angst or anything like that. furthermore, I don't really want to know the truth sometimes, be it about the past present or future. So just take everything as it comes, and with major pinches of salt. saw some pics on fb and missed some people acutely. But what I'm missing was loooong gone. We aren't those people anymore. I'd miss it wherever I was. I really dont know who to blame for what. All I know is that happiness is possible, for everyone. And that maybe today I made a step towards that.

With every step forwards, there's two steps in another direction. Backwards? Diagonally? Who knows, really.

there was a time i felt really bored, like, crap, i know all this stuff, what am i doing here?!

well, today's helminths lecture has CHANGED ALL THAT. (the lecturer is really awesome). but beyond that... there is SO MUCH I DONT KNOW. about helminths that is. and everything else. noooo!

today was quite a good day i think.

for whoever's interested
a) sporing anaerobes
- c. difficile
- c. tetani --> lockjaw
drumstick like appearance microscopically

- c. botulinum
- c. perfringens --> GAS GANGRENE (mmyonecrosis, crepitus, air seen on x ray, can have systemic shock)
local signs- pain, discoloration, fluid filled blebs
people who have war wounds/ RTA/ vascular disease --> amputation
use the nagler plate with egg yolk and antitoxin for diagnosis

too many, in a v disorganised jumble
includes: actinomyces israelii: actinomycosis
fusobacterium necrophorum

this is still fine. but the TWO HELMINTHS LECTURES.... wow no words. after that, we had a guy who was really enthusiastic about epidemiology, for a VERY LONG TIME. also, there was a milo truck outside. i really felt like i was facing mirages in the desert.

on the bright side, the guys all looked very cool in their suits today. conclusion: suiting up always works! im not sure how many girls they managed to jio, a la barney style, but hey at least they looked good! and the girls who did too - respect to them. especially in the heat here lol.

Monday, October 11, 2010

the x factor

sometimes i really wonder what led to the great friendships that ive had. i know i bitch alot about them sometimes but when you're just beginning to form new ones, it's then that you realise the factors which led you guys together were literally magical. things which can't be replicated. on an interesting note, haemophilus influenzae requires the x AND v factor to grow on chocolate agar, but haemophilus ducreyi only requires the X FACTOR. haha sorry i thought that was v cute.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

cause that's the only way i know how to feel

things do get better dont they :)

anyways i finally got to the HACEK group everyone's been talking about. it's totally shite. c'mon, actinobacillus actinomycetemcomitans?!!

the gospel today was about the 9 ungrateful lepers. and the one grateful one.
i hope i'm not being an ingrate, by reserving my gratefulness for hindsight? as in i really am happy with what ive got, logistics and bumpy roads notwithstanding.

Tie my handlebars to the stars so I stay on track

the bench by the canal is fast becoming my fav spot, usually cos it means i can take a break from running:

what really befuddles me is how so quickly i could look at my life in edin with rose colored glasses when i spent most of my time in edin looking at sg with rose colored glasses!?! also, when i read back, im fairly sure i had some serious editing going on. there's one entry in october about a day which i remember quite clearly and what i wrote was something like: SUNSHINE AND PANCAKES! YAY! haha

anyways i resolve to finish spiral bacteria, and hopefully all the tb shiz, by sunday 10pm at night. and then DRIVE MYSELF TO SCHOOL, and say the rosary with the cms people. really i should get to know them better and be a good catholic girl. and when i get on the deans list, i can teach sunday school to cute little kids!! yeahhh one can dream

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Chuck: "I destroyed the only thing I ever loved."
Blair: "I don't love you anymore ... but it takes more than even you to destroy Blair Waldorf."
Chuck: "Your world would be easier if I didn't come back."
Blair: "That's true. But it wouldn't be my world without you in it."

aww! v nice chill night catching up on my favourite tv shows! gossip girl, glee, himym make for a very very happy me:) also i am v amused by some things, but i think it will turn out fine. AT LEAST, I HOPE SO.

Friday, October 8, 2010

metronidazole treats antibiotic associated pseudomembranous colitis!

some interesting points,
the test for syphillis is called dark ground illumination
there are a few manifestations
1. neurosyphillis (meningovascular/ general paralysis of the insane, tubes dorsalis- this involves loss of sensation esp in the feet/ joints/ falling over in the dark)
2. gummatous syphilis (holes in mucous membranes/skin/ tongue/ bone)
3. congenital syphilis (hutchinson's triad eg notched inscirors, clouding of the conea, 8th nerve deafness)
4. cardiovascular syphilis - aortitis of the thoracic aorta, aortic incompetence, aortic aneurysm

1 non-treponemal antibody tests (VDRL)
2 treponmal tests

treatment - benzylpenicillin

the world breaks everyone

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

– Ernest Hemingway

very true. sometimes i find strength i never knew i had. but then i always also find weaknesses i never knew i had, either.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

today my sole broke before pbp and praba was reallyreally kind to go to the co-op to buy superglue!! so sweeet of her :) the simulated patient was really amusing and thoroughly traumatised the second person

also i had an epiphany halfway through pbp when we were discussing empathy and all that. something along the lines of, all this shiz in my life is actually going to make me a better doctor. okay, that doesn't sound very poetic, but the sentiment stands. the warmfuzzy feelings soon faded as i had to walk the loooong way back to school and then try to delude myself into doing my ethics tutorial for tomorrow. sigh.

Monday, October 4, 2010

- as i ran along the canal which always makes me think of paris i felt like i was flying
- the starry lights on the hdb blocks were lined up in perfect order and the cars went by like planets on speed


day off and then one week of holiday! have been really into notion reccently so just set up my notion dashboard since i have a day off to...