Friday, January 8, 2010

maybe as long as you think of happy things/ there are happy things anywhere in your world it is part of your Universe and thus enough - as long as the bottom few tiers of Maslow's hierachy of needs are fufilled. because if you lived in a spartan community and never knew delights such as, i dont know, brownies and parties and leisurely movie-watching, book-reading on the sofa, starbucks gingerbread latte, etc, that would be rather sad.

but then they probably get their kicks someplace else, like winning wars or running really fast miles. or is it better to know of these things and not have them? or not know of these things and not even be able to visualize their allure? this is a pretty bad example because these are really easily attainable things for me (maybe not if i was a true spartan living really long ago though). but i cant really say here, what it is that i want.

it's one of those things which are not entirely worth it. and is unrelated to love, btw. just... small things really that others might or might not take for granted.

perhaps the only thing left to do is hope and wish that things might align themselves such that it can come to pass, in an unequivocally good way. some things do, you know, like paris. who would've thought. and hope that magically those who i most need to understand will. i guess for every happy ending that i didnt deserve (like that really nice morning in church when i got up to go blow my nose and... walked right into d and his customary hugs hahah :) and the general atmosphere of all the people i knew around.) there have to be a few things where you completely dont know why you did what you did, or why God let things happen that way?! yea lessons to be learnt are great but this is not kindergarten anymore, things are not easily forgotten. not that i am constantly harping on it lah (actually maybe i am eh..), more like, i'm really conscious now of offending pple, which is good i suppose... haha... since i have a marked tendancy to back out on things... i know i know!! it's both my fault and not my fault, you know? technically it isnt but even then... left to my own devices faux prudence (read: cowardice, an over-active imagination, etc) can really work wonders.

so as usual i have no choice but to go with whatever the wind tells me, and tack if i want to sail against the wind. and i'm a horribly lousy sailor so i think this is a brilliant metaphor for life.

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