ok. IT'S GOOD TO THINK. it means i still have a brain! whoopee! it's good to be able to form coherent sentences, goodness knows not everyone can.. it's NOT GOOD to sit here and torture yourself over things you cant change, or stress out over how fast you can change things, or how efficiently you are changing things. it's not good to say too much, or things which are inappropriate..
this may be veering into the realm of psychosis, aka the whole world is out to get me!!! nah, it isn't. haha. but yea sometimes you need to wonder if its worth beating yourself up over things you did or didnt do. sometimes it was going to happen anyway like a stone falling off the cliff, like ice-cream melting in the sun, like flowers taking root and... well you get the point.
on another note ive flown home like three times already and NEVER DO I REMEMBER TO BRING A BADMINTON RACKET BACK!!
reccently something ive been troubled over is: is it worth it doing these random things for fun? and the answer is if it contradicts something else more important directly then NO of course... but then neveR to have fun?! well it depends on how much this thing means to you... and also i have discovered happily that fun is not mutually exclusive with my life, huzzah. but then there are so many random fun things i want to do that to go through this case by case basis gets really tiring after awhile..
anyway, term's starting soon, i'm going to try and go for contemp & jazz more often this sem :) there's definitely some allowed happinesses there.
sometimes i cant help but say things cos its been on my mind so long and torturing me forever, IS THAT WRONG?! well yea often it might not be the best thing to do. please dont judge me. i know this is the most futile plea ever in general; the point is you say things and people judge you, even if they say they dont. judge doesnt have to mean make automatic bad conclusions and cast aspersions on your character just form a general impression. oh well. whatever impressions formed arent exactly untrue anyway hahaha. its better to have everyone think dubiously of me than to go mad; then people would think me WORSE than dubious, right??
maybe this year i'm going to run more, and to dance more. and aim to not work myself into strange frames of mind. and this is the hardest - to treat people kindly and fairly, to mean what i say and not to pretend things, but at the same time not say things which are hurtful, especially while in revengeful/ lovelorn/ stressed/ pmsey states of mind. i'm going to get the needful done asap, so i can spend time doing the things i like. i'm going to try to achieve what i know i need to, so i can legally do the way-out, random things i'd like to. :)
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Every anxious thought that steals my breath It's a heavy weight upon my chest As I lie awake and wonder what the future will hold Help ...