Tuesday, January 5, 2010

more nonsense

i might be sinking into a pool of non-entity anytime soon. and its all my own doing, good one! i cannot think of anyone who is more capable of alienating the important people and endearing themselves to random strangers on buses/ ships passing in the night honestly. ok thats an exaggeration. but it feels like that sometimes (most of the times.) anyway. i have no answers and i never will. i'd better figure out my life at some point in time, and figure out some way to be happy. i suppose i could find a way, but everything leads to some form of guilt somewhere. im sick of guilt. and the word i'm. maybe should do a beckett and write something where the word i doesnt feature at all. was that the premise of the piece not i? something like that. i remember watching the three opaque pieces on a dark night, during the long-dark tea-time of the soul. so if that was that, what's this? the short coffee break of the heart? ha ha ha. nah not the heart. i dont think im capable of loving anything but maybe squirrels and rose bushes. not that i havent ever thought i have but from what i can tell any emotion i feel in any capacity about anything is pretty much easily annihilated by more pressing things. the definition of more pressing things being a rather loose one.

its fun pretending to be interesting sometimes, i won't deny. it's fun running away from things, to, to some extent. but the silence of the soul, the self-inflicted one, is less and less desirable. unfortunately i'm addicted to it; i need it to live. and so it goes.

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