Sunday, January 17, 2010

it stops here

productivity, here i come! last sem, i got massively derailed, randomly -_- and now i'm mired in echoes and cliches and unanswerable questions. the types that shouldnt even have been asked, really.

today has been spent eating, dancing and sleeping. win! no running :( see this is evidence i hardly run everyday -_-

i think life is like this... your defenses get broken down, people mean alot to you, and then after awhile you realise you have to depend on yourself to save yourself, you cant be unloading your problems on people forever. i know to get through some of the more -_- times last sem, i really inflicted a lot of ramblings on lots of people, so that's quite ironic, and it doesnt really solve the problem. but nevertheless, having learnt to stand on my own two feet, it's really nice to know that there are people out there (both nearby and far away) that will be there for you.

im not doing this to save myself from the future, that's so far away. i'm doing it to save myself from.. MYSELF, NOW. i dont blame anyone, or the universe, i blame it on free will; my free will that likes to makes choices that are wrong; succumb to temptations, succumb to weaknesses. on my determination that has flagged lately because of the tiring past few months and the engine not having been revved up sufficiently. i don't know what fuel i need, or where i can find it. even apples dont have taste anymore for me, and i'm completely immune to coffee. so what will it be?!

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