Saturday, January 16, 2010

cheryl cole is my idol

seriously she is the epitomy of coolness and awesomeness. out of a random sample of magazines in my kitchen we realised 3 out of 4 had her on the cover. yes isn't uni such a intellectually stimulating time of your life.. okay forgive me, i will be starting on genetics... uh... soon. really!!

in the spirit of bearing crosses, i think i chose the route of unhappiness. the good thing about unhappiness is that you then actively try and correct it by doing things you know will make you happy, ie, good things. well, apart from things like lsd. whereas if you are too happy and content you let things slide etc

i will keep certain memories though, for the hard times. i remember doing this before. but i have lost all the bottled-up remembrances. oh well! haha. i will try to remember. and anyway, when you lose that too, then that's when it no longer matters, and you no longer needed to hang on to it.

this is like eating wensleydale cheese. i bought it from tescos one friday night. it's like eating cheesecake, cept it isn't the real thing. it's really sweet :) also, it's really cheesy ;p ok unforgivably lame haha

anyway, ssc was a horrific wake up call. but obviously i havent learnt anything. why is it that running furiously and angrily can be so cathartic again? on k's good advice i ran most of it off, whilst planning how to salvage things. unfortunately after looking at jang geun suk photos and chatting until 4am... and waking up really late... i'm so content i've forgotten all my good intentions.

cold, hard truth
1. things happen for a reason. i already know the reason, and thus there can be no other explaination
2. we love because God loved us. so love is not wrong. i'm sure God will forgive me eventually for the way i have twisted this gift of his, to the point where it becomes a burden and a hindrance. i'm sure he will forgive me for the times i didnt do what i was supposed to, because i was busy being upset or wrestling with unanswerable questions. for the times i did inappropriate things, or took my anger out on people/ inanimate things (im sorry, treadmill ;p). for the times i've dragged out all my issues ad nauseum, and how it probably is a rather shitty testimony to people. i dont think i can confess this to the priest again HAHAHAHA. especially since i never took his last advice last easter. and also, he might die of laughter, which would be a disservice to the catholic students of the city.

3. the thing about don't arouse love before it awakens, or something
4. quell my tempest, calm the billows

right, here goes nothing.

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