Thursday, November 19, 2009

quite honestly no one at all in my life is giving me any support at all, and.... what can i say about that?!!! when everyone either completely ignores you or just takes nonstop, and makes demands on your time, without bothering to give you support or encouragement?!!! all they do is just make you upset, without caring if you're happy. NO ONE HAS ASKED ME IF I'M OK AT ALL WITHIN MEMORY. they KNOW I'M NOT, THEY KNOW THINGS ARE REALLY SHITTY ON ALL FRONTS. but FREAKING NO. ONE. CARES. all they care is about my transgressions, all i have failed to do. guess what it doesnt count if they say "i know you're doing xxx BUT how about xyzabcdefg"

its like those pple who say NOT TO BE INSULTING but your nose looks big & your features are all in the wrong place. ok. not really. but if you know im doing it then.... WHAT'S THE COMPLAINT?!

and yea i guess im getting boring/ bitchy/ whiny. SUE ME!! for reacting like shit to shit.

well. at least i feel alive. thank God for medicine really coz if i was doing anything else i would just die. ps i really really really hope i pass my exams.

im just in total amazement that, despite being strong all this while for everyone, despite trying my utter best in everything, at the end of the day, its never enough. and they know i'm barely keeping my head above water and IT JUST KEEPS COMING!! the same issues for everyone just keeps on recurring relentlessly, like we're stuck in some kinda time warp. blah blah blah

anyway yesterday nice time out, lunch @ yum yum.

oh God. what am i doing wrong?! why why why. please can you help me i know everyone is stressed but please it cannot be good for things to be like this. what can i do, how can i pray. how can i cope with endless shit coming at me, bile humors (& vile humors too ;p). grah neuro was endless thinking abt people's thinking, GI is just full of shit. but LIFE STILL GOES ON YO. dear God, i am asking for help, a normal life, not to be at the receiving end of everyone's crap & in the end just seem like a total nutcase, and really have no friends left coz i am always in need of help (but actually ive given up on this confiding thing, for gd, hahahaha something good came out of this.... unless i have to explain exactly why i cant do whatever it is. i didnt WANT TO LET EVERYONE KNOW, TRUST ME. but unfortunately beyond a certain point explaination is required.)

(ps heh of course there -are- some awesome pple out there eg mich, sharon, adam, abby david etcc... but ya i dont mean the random angels i can only contact thru msn exactly. but u guys are angels. oh & of course hsemates are v v lovely. haha)

ANYWAY. life sucks, deal with it. i really hope my muffins work though i have no such faith in the universe any longer.

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