Monday, November 9, 2009

=)

just had a really nice convo with abby =)

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

When I fall asleep
Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep


owl city is so so zen. completely unable to do saliva lectures... but the lib is pretty. its not as cool as jane austen filled national library though ;p heh yes i rmb that day too abby! we were like library hopping! zhiying, adam, and nat wee tooo yes. heh i miss those jc days. trust me, i NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS. but though there was lots of crap & horrible exams looming up, there was a certain kind of innocence about them. i certainly don't remember ever pretending anything. i know there was def low times and all, but everything was just so transparent. the despondencies, the highs, the boring math classes, the transcendent lit tutorials. robert frost's leaf treader? the glittering pages of gatsby, the way the windows looked like the heart of darkness. things were genuinely funny when they were, and it was the sort of hilarity that made everything ok. dont get me wrong, medicine is awesome (how could it not be), just had a fantastic lecture on bilirubin. i never want to go back to the time i didn't know if i was meant to do it.

i'm just saying, time casts such a glitzy sheen... i know i know i was incredibly angsty most of the time in jc... but i also remember angels coming to save me over & over again... that's why im so so sorry that i had to do that to b. im crazy sorry, no one will understand exactly how upset i am about it. if not for b, i might have honestly combusted halfway through j2. oh gosh. and before math p2, me, b, m and eliza was there too! i remember that day like a fly trapped in amber. how the aunty dusted the library shelves & we all started coughing.. how m taught me last minute stats.. how we laughed ourselves silly outside the library. dearest b: PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

ok i know CIRCUMSTANCES, but really those all day mugging fests in school were where i felt most scared, but the most free. the most undecided, but also the strongest. i guess when you lose absolutely everything, when you can do nothing but prove yourself since no one believes in you any longer, that's when you can do the best you can.

and the amazing thing is: despite my extremely antisocial behavior as the a's approached... i'm sure my classmates rmb this... they still bother to keep in touch, talk really often on msn, when i'm halfway round the world.

jc was far, far from perfect. but i'm touched that it turned out well despite everything. if i went back to my j2 year and told myself it would all be ok, i think i wouldnt have been able to believe it. so. thank God for jc. who knew i'd ever say that. hahahaha.

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