Wednesday, April 29, 2009

today is turning out to be real chill-out day
but i realised that i can't get angry at people for long... not that i can't can't but that i immediately feel like i should solve the conflict and iron out the differences. read: take back the unreasonable stuff i said.

and as for some causes of anger that are far more deep-seated... i really don't know how long it will take. but i do know that it's not a solution to hold on to it forever, obviously. it's just that it's really hard. i can SAY i will let it go, but it may not really go. my prayers are really being answered, more swiftly than i could have imagined. i do remember throwing in one line about studying really well too so let's hope that also comes to pass... haha.

but i'm glad i clarified how to hear God's voice and to know his will. not to say that there's a step by step way to do it like in scientific experiments... but for like big decisions... i think i more or less have a vague idea how to go about it. and that I have truly made the right discernment in the past :) that's comforting to know for obvious reasons.

i'm glad i opened up to some people, to varying degrees, but people are all different. and maybe that's the most important thing i got out of these past few weeks. that everyone responds differently to things. i know, it seems so DUH, but as in... you HAVE to apply double standards, multi-standards even. if not you just can't coexist peacefully in society. (i currently prefer peace to anarchy but can check back later)

and i guess there are definitely some character traits i need to work on myself. interestingly enough i lost my voice towards the end of it... maybe God is symbolically telling me to not talk so much, or something. i mean, i didn't combust or die of boredom, and i did manage to communicate with people to a certain extent... so yes... must really learn to only say good stuff. previously i tried to just say entertaining things ie things that made people laugh ie make them happy. UNFORTUNATELY i happily overlooked the loophole that it's probably not good to say gossipy stuff either etc. it may be really funny and intriguing but... yes.

anyway i just blew up at someone, got pretty offended. it's been a time of imbalance lah. because i am recalibrating on so many levels and trying to figure out what is right and wrong and it just slipped between the cracks when i was trying to rebuild my brick walls... i'm sorry. (although the person won't read this)

happily, i managed not to lose any jenga games, which bodes well for my love of surgery :)
PAIN and ANALGESICS lectures tomorrow, which feeds my love of drugsss. i'm a happy bunny. except of course i have yet to finish ecg and shower. win.

the conclusion is that i can't apply the same scale to everyone. and this feeling that God has planned all this, which has been so so unshakeable... i think i should ignore it no more than i should ignore the equally nagging feeling of disquiet. i just couldnt reconcile the two. but now, i think that some things mean more than just mere hours. that it's okay, you don't need to get offended .

on another note, i found my phone!!!!
so i cant write those ten poems i was planning... darn. probably better for the world though? lol.

No comments:

Post a Comment

garage gym

random snippets of musings 1. i usually love poetry but the apocalyptic poetry felt... depressing for some reason. maybe the thing about th...