Wednesday, April 29, 2009

the katinas - one more time

Lord, I saw your face last night
When I looked in the sky
You were smiling
You told me it would be okay
You would make a way
In my dark times
Every time I hear Your voice
Every time I feel Your touch
It makes me know that I can face tomorrow
One more time

When all my friends go away
I’ll be glad to say
You’re still near me
Even when the wind blows by
I feel warm inside

You’re so lovely
I need you, don’t leave me
Without you I can’t survive
I know that I can face tomorrow
‘Cause you will walk me through my
pain and sorrow
I know that I can face tomorrow
One more time
____________________________
i hope i can. i hope i can.

sigh, i guess it's no point being right. why oh why have i spent all these years trying to convince people of things? i should have learnt a long time ago that people telling me they're right usually aren't, so why bother imposing my own opinions on them, arguing with them? they'll never see eye to eye with me, and i would just have wasted hours over nothing and it means absolutely nothing. it's just that people saying stuff which is blatantly wrong irks me. but whatever. to them, i'm blatantly wrong too...

since my recalibration went all off the charts yesterday, took time off to watch house, felt vaguely happy realising i could read the ecg machine.

a lot of things really are about perspective. i miss all the pointlessly fun arguments i ever had. but maybe we've all grown up and now all we can do is shove our strong opinions in people's faces, hurting and insulting them, because they've hurt or insulted us. i don't want to grow up if it means i have to pretend. but i don't even remember who i was, so i can't go back. and i don't want to, drugs and anatomy mean too much to me. maybe i threw away all these things when i decided it was all or nothing and now i won't ever entertain a single original thought or argument in my head; i have become nothing but a mass of insecurities and shiny small talk and empty coffee cups. because somewhere along the line i realised that all the things that made me me accounted for nothing so i thought right let's pursue things which actually lead to the main road for once not early morning chats that are hilarious but which you'll never remember (i can't remember any of the thousand i've had). and when i missed them i tried to get them back but - never again. no worthy topic, no worthy view about them, not the same people.

i dont know why something which doesn't count for anything means so terribly much to me. i had no idea i predicated my happiness on the strength of a good dispute. i miss so much the people who could jump from topic to topic and with whom i agreed to disagree. i wish someone could account for this.

and i should do the lecture on pain. it's quite painful really. LOLs

2 comments:

  1. hey hey hope you're ok! sorry i was practically not at my com the whole time i was appearing online (the irony heh) will get to talk to you properly soon hopefully! (: jiayou! and really really glad you got your phone heh that was quite a worthwhile exchange eh! :P

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  2. LOL that line of poetry wasn't THAT bad surely heh

    its ok npnp. i'm fine just trying to figure out life. which i find v fun actually. although really mentally exhausting. lol. i kinda miss angst? if everything's too shiny and happy it feels unreal. lol. but angst is... angstifying!! hahah.

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