Monday, April 6, 2009

i'm back in my little familiar hole with the awesome view out my window of my blue and red curtain coz when the sun's at a certain height it shines directly in, watching movies over my physiology textbook again.

movies i've watched reccently
1. sweet home alabama (before paris trip)
2. notting hill (watching now)

and lots of pushing daisies, grey's, gossip girl. oh yes i watched the grandfather just now, it was pretty good! the way the plotline somersaults though is pretty -_- haha.

been doing lots of thinking, with little result
i guess, i just need to buckle down to it. this bit is always the most painful. grrr. and as usual, when starting out on my ardous journey of taming my own concentration span & complete lack of discipline, there's absolutely no one that can help me. unfortunately, there is no lack of things that can hurt me or make me sad or insecure. WIN. well that's life i guess.

short bursts that remind me of what was & notting hill are all vaguely cheery. i guess we all try to recapture happinesses now and then. but also, sometimes i think, the greatest happinesses evaporate like alcohol rubs, leaving behind only the vaguest memory of perfume. the only thing i bought this time was almond musk perfume from semphora on champs-elysees, but i think it serves as a nice momento =)

i think i know now why people go on roundtheworld trips to discover themselves, etc. the trip was v fun, and also taught me a lot. will think on it. lots of moments i will write down somewhere, and which the photos capture. also, i think i know now what is my greatest priority, or my greatest few priorities in life. & truly it isn't really about repressing yourself or anything, it's more of changing yourself so that you will be doing the right thing when you are doing what you truly desire; ie, actually wanting to do the right thing and deriving joy from it. fine that sounds unforgivably prudish, but sue me.

anyway, i can't really be interesting and productive, the two things are quite contrary, for me at least.

and interestingly, it was who i remembered at that precise moment that amused me no end. i suppose old habits die hard, and what good does it do anyway, and the neurons in my brain just haven't caught up lol. but - there it was. must have sounded nuts but there it was. not surprising, all things considered, but... insightful.

ok. WORK.
i have thus far typed the title of the lecture
and had a lot of quaker oatmeal. it is v nice. ARGH

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Through the fire