Friday, April 24, 2009

hmm i must stop sleeping so late!
thoughts are good but yknow generally only when they aren't frivolous navel-gazing epistles. oh well.

i have concluded that that really wasn't nice of me.
the point isn't who has offended you or whatever. ok, actually it is. well, er, the point is how you deal with it. i think if you're not deluded about it it's fine to be nice to people, knowing well that you could get nothing nice in return. because you don't EXPECT anything nice. (Actually, who doesn't really?!!) you can make an attempt to be undeluded though. and maybe i should stop "thinking" so much since this basically constitutes going round in circles.

and yeah, the last time i had the 'moral highground', not only did it turn out quite disastrous, after much letting off steam, i was no longer morally upright nor high in any sense of the word. but nevertheless, it's got to be worse to be purposefully nasty. and that's the hardest test of all, isn't it? (apart from the GARGHHHHHH) being genuinely upbeat and cheery and not blaming people for things you'd dearly like to blame them for.

cos today, i realised that no matter what i may say, despite how i might bluster and garble everything up into one huge mass of horribleness.... it doesn't make me feel better about it. as in it doesn't make it ok. what does make it ok is recalling the fun times. well, admittedly, it wasn't single-minded fun, considering all the things one had to consider, but ON HINDSIGHT which is all that matters now, it was fun. of course, duh, compared to now, duhhhhhhh. so.... at risk of being slightly nuts, i think i'll just keep the good bits around in my mind, and forge ahead with my new iron-cast plans. no need to sit on the seesaw and hang on for dear life without making a decision which way to go, just smile and say "that was awesome!" and make a run for it.

speaking of which i wonder if i can wake up to run tomorrow before school?! why are we meeting so early for priorities zzz PRIORITIES, PEOPLE!! lol sorry couldn't resist

oh oh the other day i was asking my friend a qn abt cartilage
me: which one is gross anatomy and which one is fine?!
friend: -has no idea-
me: i think this one is gross coz it looks kinda gross

i dont know how to say it la
but i -think- we might be getting the hang of this be strong during the best and worst times thing, the be optimistic and take everything upon yourself so everyone else can be happy thing. i always wondered how i managed it but now i see. and knowing that i'm not the only sad nutter doing this makes me feel so much more better

we might be getting this be inherently happy thing, finally, instead of the lets go around looking despondent and whinging thing. i hope so. i really hope so :)

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