Tuesday, February 24, 2009

nobody, not even the rain

lecturesss today - obstructive lung disorders and gram positive bacteria, v interesting! :):).

but NOOO i have to do hnop. i have now termed it hNOOOOOOp. okay jk, it is really good to think about health needs of old people i truly agree. unfortunately my procrastination is really reaching new heights with regards to this particular essay, which would be fine and quite normal if i didnt have half of the heart left to study and all of the lungs stretching out tantalizingly in front of me.

oh and the cool blue swimming pool which i have come to know so well GRR for awhile this dude went swimming alot so i always had someone to walk back with but NOT ANYMORE which blahblah dangerous etc. so you know it decreases motivation significantly. and anyway hnop.

actually i think i've got my answer several times over, it's just whether i choose to recognise it or not. keep oscilliating with equal determination over a few courses of action. and everytime the only conclusion i can come to is: ldhlfghbfnobfjk. very eloquent

Monday, February 23, 2009

i will do my part, now if only the universe would co-operate =(
anatomy is surprisingly therapeutic who would have suspected
I had alot to say but then I think I should do my hnop. If I dont finish 1000 words tonight I will buy chocolate tmr for J lol! Becauseee today at dinner he was laughing at my extremely bashed up apples and THEN went off to the serving area again. Then I took the chance to exchange my admittedly rather horrible apples for his shiny new just-out-of-the-box apples and was pretending to calmly eat my cod when he came back and... GAVE ME TWO NEW APPLES. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!! OMG i feel so bad!! Haha everyone was laughing madly at me, WHAT'S NEW -_-

But still aiyah I'm spending a lot these days so 1000 words yes must finish!!

I got what I consider a compliment today - someone told me that I seem totally unperturbed and optimistic and people can say anything and I won't get hurt. Haha. And now I shall numb the pain by watching gossip girl. Lots and lots and lots of it - crap, only 3 episodes left, and apparently these episodes are quite bad. Oh awesome. Grey's then. How many medical students Greys must have saved by now, from boredom, despondency, desperation and depression, is seriously something worth thinking about.

Oh the foodfest was really good, I feel like I didn't do much, except peel 100 eggs and serve alot of bubble tea. Compared to G and gang who fried stuff until 1-2am apparently. And the wonton gang who spent 2 days at it. I was actually quite bad at unsticking the pearls into the cup to begin with hahaha J who was with Av next to me doing almond jelly kept telling the people "Oh just ignore her" lolll. BUT! A LOT of muah chee my goodness I have honestly never eaten so much muah chee in my entire life. Plus, at one point I was sitting behind the almond jelly, so erm we ended up having quite a lot of that as well hahaha. And seeing everyone! Haha all the malaysians came, and towards the end they were all helping out also la haha THANK YOU to matthew who will prob not see this well hopefully not anyways, he helped me do bubble tea so I could go and eat stuff and watch bhangra, which was COOL duh haha.

Right i should. Do. Work. AURGH.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

i just feel very very tired; accomplished, but tired. well i havent actually accomplished anything cept maybe just making it through this week. although i wouldn't say i've done everything particularly well or to the best of my ability......

well i've gone swimming 3x and hopefully tomorrow toooo
i've eaten more oranges than falafel wraps from the v convenient cafe right next to school. but i still like falafel wraps!
i've erm managed to finish pbl and chair it (quite badly, admittedly aurghhh)
i've peeled an amazing amount of eggs! lol
i've got data for 6 patients woots
i've settled hnop stuff for this week (now need to write the essay)

tomorrow - food fest
sunday - church
next week - write hnop, go down to the Other hospital again (40 mins each way, can be up to 2 hrs if going from halls and not from lecture at the hospital), do pbl, SOMEHOW finish cardiovascular notes, or give up entirely?!, keep up with respiration. do professional development portfolio. amaaaazing.

well at least the hnop tutorial today was v good i felt, i think the gp is really good at facilitating discussions and making us think about parts of the learning outcomes for hnop that erm i totally skipped the first time round, like "what did you learn about old people and how will that affect your practice" and the one on communication etc.

i wonder if i miss wandering around school and libraries at night... sometimes i think i do, and then i vehemently think i don't. i think i miss the safety of it all, home is liberating in that way. well it's not significantly more safe, just that having grown up there, you just know its safe somehow even though theoretically its about the same as here. some things take time, i'm glad i took the time back then to get to know some people who seem to be the stalwarts of now somehow. like the link back to me then, even though it seemed so thoroughly weird, and angst-inducing sometimes? it's like an ANCHOR.

i'm not saying i want to go back to my jc self or my jc life, oh NO definitely. i'm just saying i don't want to float too far away from the good bits of then, and everything i managed to do despite being thoroughly confused. and i didn't have this magic happifier last time, i couldn't have had.

i really really hope all my dramatic novel like life with all its twists and turns and exaggerations and all gives you guys a modicum of amusement, or diversion at the very least? for putting up with everything, for combating homesickness actually probably more often than i realise, cos talking to you guys on msn anchors me to home and i feel like i'm in the computer room at home again talking to you guys on msn like always.

i had a v good conversation with abby the other day, talking about stuff i couldn't quite bring myself to tell anyone before. i know that's a new one lols. and i realised that at the end of it all I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING, & i dont have to beat myself up about anything =)

Friday, February 20, 2009

Most tiring day ever.
I have
1. changed flats about 10 times
2. gone to livingston and back
3. watched a looooot of (minor) surgery
4. attended a lunchtime anesthesia talk (with free lunch!) the talk was quite interesting and everyone got into quite a heated argument with the poor guy trying to market his awareness monitoring product. but i thought it was really cool nevertheless (the argument, not really the product). they concluded that it was no big deal, but if it became best practice, no one would have any choice as to using it or not. i'm sure the guy was muchly cheered. he even got donuts for them!
5. of which i ate two
6. because was IMMENSELY exhausted
7. including the 2 other people i went with, i think i got data for about 5-6 patients - we took turns to interview and note down data in the anaesthetic room so about 2 each. which is not bad for a whole day's work =)
8. watched a bronchoscopy!
9. reserved a flat in west richmond, which we are probably not keeping cos it's RIGHT ABOVE A PUB. the NOISE.
10. finished preparing our presentation for health needs of elderly people tutorial (well, i'd jolly well better finish it by tonight or we're screwed)
11. finished pbl. haha! yeah riiight

well anyway, less guilt about my ssc (student selected component) now i've gone down to livingston and spent the whole day there. i mean at least we TRIED. do we get points for that!? okay dont answer that. hahahha to think we were supposed to get hundreds of patients....LOL lol lol. going next friday for whole day i thiink so MUST DO health needs of elderly people essay over weekend, somehowwwww.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Perhaps if I make lists of my life I will actually do things. Yes. That might be a good idea.
1. Smoking tutorials. Smoked my way through them =p sorry couldn't resist.
2. Smoking lectures, AWESOME clip of Yes Prime Minister. I am officially addicted.
3. Checked out Jap restaurant for flat lunch tomorrow =)
4. Rather odd lunch of oranges and bread in med sch common room with lovely people, discussing the 13 year old boy who's a father who's now like the hottest topic of discussion around lolll
5. Figured out half of what i need to know about ECGs and made 1 page of prettyyy notes
6. Zhao off for pbl, contribute chocolate =) chocolate makes everyone happy. very very happy. that is my conclusion. we also stole the chips the previous group had left behind.
7. swimming, i can practically join the we-swim-everyday-at-5.15pm club already. like i always see the same people! and j KEEPS GRABBING MY ANKLES hahaha v shocking when you're swimming i assure you.
8. there is a foodfight in the hall cafeteria place !!! and they have CHASED EVERYONE OUT and LOCKED UP!
9. we go to tescos and buy grapes and nuts (me), cheese and biscuits (r), and the saner option of sandwiches (j). we then play a really fun game of waiting for each other and.... end up pangsehing each other ANYWAYS. argh. sorry!
10. come back, stone for two hours while imbibing grapes (i like grapes, they remind me of home. no idea why, its not like i grew up in a vineyard or anything?!)
11. finish half of pbl, feeling randomly shitty and sorry for self why?! guess it's just having lots of stuff to do and all yeah. then realise how happy i am halfway through reading about lung diseases, not that diseases per se make me happy of course, but it's what i can potentially do to treat them next time =)

- respi lectures
- flat lunch + flat hunting fair
- FINISH ECGs, wipe library out of respi books (JK)
- swim :)
- really do laundry. REALLY.
- do respi lectures. REALLY.

- ssc (student selected component) group meeting
- hopefully go to the hospital to get patients and interview them?

- hnop (interview old people tutorial)
- do pbl
- have pbl
- go cook laksa for singsoc food fest

- swim
- singsoc food fest

why so busy whyyy

Monday, February 16, 2009

haha beyond caring of course, but matchbox 20's if you're gone is a nice song still. did i ever mention i love how my table faces the window so i can look out upon the sunny day? cept the wind sounds v vile and whyyy am i taking so long to type up my health needs of elderly people essay?
woots i'm back after a one-lecture day =) it was a surprisingly interesting lecture on environmental health though, pretty depressing to think that people have to choose between starvation or getting sick through their work >< but well yes definitely glad i went for class today. although i spent it sleeping. and miraculously, everyone around me got caught and made fun of for sleeping even though I was the one who kept on sleeping, lol. Also, I am allergic to wool?! Maybe just allergic to lectures =p

and THIS is really quite amusing =p it's based on the idea that it would be funny if poets had written poems of which the titles were anagrams of their names? includes ts eliot (toilets), ee cummings nice smug me), larkin, shakespeare (is a sperm a whale?), dickinson.

LOL the whole thing is absolutely priceless. eg:


Shall I compare thee to a sperm whale, sperm?
Thou art more tiny and more resolute:
Rough tides may sway a sea-bound endotherm,
But naught diverts thy uterine commute.

ohhhh my goodness.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

What does it mean to be nice? Is it thinking nice thoughts, acting nicely, or both, or either, or neither? Does one be nice to people who aren't? Is not doing anything at all being nice?

The gold standard seems to be "if you really need xx's help, they'll help"

FIRSTLY, research has shown that when people get mugged/ stabbed/ mysteriously faint or whatever in the streets, often no-one does anything cos they're waiting for someone ELSE to do something. But I'm sure some of them have to be vaguely nice.

SECONDLY, maybe you're being patronizing, maybe they don't want your help, maybe what they want is just to hear something nice being said to them for once and it's absolutely no use to spout cliches, and give superficial help because it makes people feel as if you really couldn't be bothered. furthermore, the act of helping could be fuelled by so many motives that it doesn't really always give rise to warm fuzzy feelings.

thirdly, and probably most importantly the problem sometimes lies in the fact that people have different ideas about what constitutes seriously needing help. It could be the most important thing in the world, but to them, it means nothing. THAT, in my opinion, is what constitutes friendship - it doesn't really mean anything to you, but you KNOW it OBVIOUSLY means something to the person who is ASKING YOU TO HELP WITH IT, and thus you do it anyway.

(but i love the whiteness of snow against the stark black of the dirtroads, and i loved doing something for people on vday although i felt rather useless for a bit and i made it for mass today =))

i might go for lunchtime mass tomorrow so looking forward to that too, i've never been and there's lunch after!
hello world! I have decided that I'm going to come back to blogging. Why, I have no idea. Currently, I'm in the library, marvelling at the beauty of poetry, and I haven't started on my work for this weekend. But otherwise, it is (relatively) sunny and life is good =)


3 more days of AL! a much needed break cant decide if i shld just sleep. or do research. or study ecg. omg how how or do the mountain o...