Monday, August 19, 2019

little star

listening to standing egg music is so nice
two days off omg what shall i do with my days off!!? so much to do so little timeeee

been reflecting on r1 year and i did alot of things omg haha. dunno how i did all that. but also didnt do alot of things

dont know how i am gonna finish what i need to leh.but hopefully God finds a way as always!

ytd drove myself to work and back, PERSONAL ACCOMPLISHMENT, at nearly 30 yo. little kids have started calling me aunty oMG. so happy when they call me jiejie. me printing mc another comp cos my comp printer doesnt work and overheard kid asking her mum "the jiejie just now, is she coming back?" SO CUTEEE. remembering what i loved about peds the most is THE VERY CUTE KIDS. i love waving byebye and high fiving kids. the best of 1 year+ of my life distilled into this. and the rest is just automated feveradvice backslabs running to resus - runs like an autopilot, the memories tattooed into the DNA of my being since baby mo year1! 

but! i must keep up with adult EM! REBEL EM, EMRAP, ROSH REVIEW, AMAL MATTU. fonts of knowledge. if i learn all this i will be a competent reg/pokemon master one day! that's the dream at least. one day far far away in a not so far away galaxy...

plans
2-4pm RESEARCH. 
4-6PM JOURNAL CLUB RESEARCH
6pm onwards: NIV research. or chill. i think i shld do NIV research. 

tmr
am - meet duke students with sf
pm - RESEARCH
evening - trying out new gym


our daily bread

~

“Emotionally, we’ve sometimes worked a full day in one hour,” Weighty emotions and responsibilities can leave us physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. And all we want to do is sleep.
In 1 Kings 19, the prophet Elijah found himself in a situation where he was depleted in every way. Elijah was so afraid he ran away and prayed he would die (19:3-4).
In his distress, he lay down. An angel touched him twice and told him to “get up and eat” (vv. 5, 7). After the second time, Elijah was strengthened by the food God provided, and he “traveled forty days and forty nights” until he came to a cave (vv. 8-9). There, the Lord appeared to him and recommissioned him (vv. 9-18)—and he was refreshed and able to continue the work God had for him to do.
~
perpetually tired and sleepy
living on the EDGE
life in the fast lane dudE
but i'm loving it!
many emotions being back in CE. It's funny how life cycles around like that. going back to edin for emed exams. going back to london for more exams. (there were alot of exams). going back to CE for r2 year. 
it should get better and better haha but WHY do i still feel stressed rah. i think there are alot of expectations. from myself. from others. i think mostly from myself
anyway, as always i try my best. dont know if or when my best is good enough.  but perhaps, perhaps one day it will be
anyway, its nice meeting my friends the peds people! memories of those days slogging away. kinda like meeting the eye people. thanks guys for putting up with me back then! but out of everything, my one true love is definitely EMED! wish i could be better at it... GETTING THERE one step at a time
hearts to my fellow now r2s for all the neverending encouragement and whatsapp chats. and also thanks for putting up with me LOL. just had to say that. just like how we look back on rgs days now... i am sure when we eventually graduate from residency we will happily rmb all these wednesday post emcc coffees and dinners!! 

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Coffeelove

:):) preshift pickmeups
#story of my life
#you and i will make it through make it through

Saturday, July 20, 2019

i run to you

the afters - i run to you
When the road has left me empty
When I'm broken, tired, down and out
When the darkness feels too heavy
Where will i go?
You welcome me back home
You tell me I belong
You forgive all my wrongs
I run to you
No matter where I've gone
You've waited all along
You open up your arms
You were there, you always loved
Gave me everything I could ever want
But I thought that I knew better
But I didn't know

i will fear no more

Every anxious thought that steals my breath
It's a heavy weight upon my chest
As I lie awake and wonder what the future will hold
Help me to remember that You're in control
You're my courage when I worry in the dead of night
You're my strength 'cause I'm not strong enough to win this fight
You are greater than the battle raging in my mind
I will trust You, Lord
I will fear no more
I will lift my eyes
I will lift my cares
Lay them in Your hands
I'll leave them there
When the wind and waves are coming
You shelter me
Even though I'm in the storm, the storm is not in me
You're my courage when I worry in the dead of night
You're my strength 'cause I'm not strong enough to win this fight
You are greater than the battle raging in my mind
I will trust You, Lord
I will fear no more
(Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh) I will fear no more
(Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh) I will fear no more
No power can come against me
'Cause You have overcome
No darkness can overwhelm me
'Cause You've already won
No power can come against me
'Cause You have overcome
(Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh)
No darkness can overwhelm me
'Cause You've already won
(Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh)
You're my courage when I worry in the dead of night
You're my strength 'cause I'm not strong enough to win this fight
You are greater than the battle raging in my mind
I will trust You, Lord (Trust You, Lord)
I will fear no more (Fear no more)
I will fear no more (Fear no more)
(Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh) I will fear no more
(Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh) I will fear no more
(Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh) I will fear no more
~
thankful for the friends and compartriots going thru all these postings with me
hahahah today when p, a and i all ran to see the same patient. ed instincts!!
you're my courage when i worry in the dead of night, u are my strength cause im not strong enough to win this fight

breaking point

not sure what i can or should say, but this song says it all!

the dawn will break the darkness's grip on me
maybe one day, i will not be forever living on this breaking point
not living in this fear

haha, i wish.

~
I know the dawn can never know the dark
Except to break its grip on me
Silence doesn't know a song
Until I choose not to sing
Love can never learn to hate
Hope will not accept its fate
I'm stuck somewhere in between
This is the breaking point for me
And it's here on the edges
Between Your heart and mine
I am just a man, and You are the divine
But I hear Your voice calling, You call me from the dark
To have my heart, so here's my heart
I am guilty but I see grace
Where love came down to set me free
And if I just accept this change
That there is more than what I see
Courage doesn't hesitate
Faith will not capitulate
But I'm stuck somewhere in between
This is the breaking point for me
~
and its here on the edges 
between your heart and mine...
~
You may find me in the midnight
Fallen down upon my knees
Or riding out another storm
Praying for some peace
Even when I feel alone
Jesus, this I know
You will never leave me
You will always be the one
Who calms the raging sea
You will never leave me
You will always be the one
Who's holding onto me
You may lead me to the desert
Where I'm empty and afraid
Wandering this nothingness
Thirsting for the rain
I will not give into fear
Cause Lord, I know You're here

Sunday, July 14, 2019

reflections of first half of 2019


always enjoy looking back on how the year has been haha. and also this midpoint reflection thingy. common themes: EXHAUSTION. EXTREME MEDICINE. POKEMON. GOD IS GOOD. running. (funny. cos i havent run much this yr actually..)

Jan 2019 

on the FIRST day of new year, and the anes reg says "its ok la. HAVE FAITH". it has taken me 29 years and nearly pgy5 before i finally got it. HAVE FAITH. 

~
You're gonna make it
And the night can only last for so long
Whatever you're facing

Feb 2019
AM COMPLETELY AMAZED that i passed the mcem osce!! amazed and in awe of God's timing. hopefully i can somehow level up and become a pokemon master somedaY. with God's help.

Mar 2019

sometimes it feels more like extreme exhaustion, rather than extreme medicine. 

April 2019

its always comforting to sit next to that fish and loves mural in church haha. like a constant reminder: GOD WILL PROVIDE. I WILL NOT STARVE. MY PATIENTS ARE GONNA BE OK. whatever ok means. I WILL DO THE RIGHT THING.
~
every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer
So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will

May 2019
have been running and running nonstop for awhile now
only with God's grace
and what keeps running through my mind is that THANK YOU GOD FOR LEADING ME TO EMED.

June 2019

your mercy never failed me
you have led me through the fire
and in the darkest night you are close like no other

~
Yea I could try so hard
To give it everything I've got
But I'm not ever gonna measure up
All I can do is thank You
For this life I never deserved
I'm glad You never walked away

little star

listening to standing egg music is so nice two days off omg what shall i do with my days off!!? so much to do so little timeeee been re...